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02-01-2009, 10:20 PM
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A fellow sophisticate
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cowtown, Kansas
Gender: Male
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Petra, from what you've said here before Lyn is not even your relative. Let Lyn's relatives take care of her, and if not them, the government. She's not your responsibility.
__________________
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.--W.C. Fields
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02-01-2009, 11:20 PM
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Adequately Crumbulent
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Cascadia
Gender: Male
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Listen to the skunk, she is wise.
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02-02-2009, 01:21 AM
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The cat that will listen
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Valley of the Sun
Gender: Female
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Petra,
You have done a good thing by taking care of Lyn for more than a year. It is more than many friends and family would do. It is enough. For anyone who says otherwise, ask them where they have been in the last year +.
I can't imagine how difficult this situation is for you, but you have done your part and more than that. It is someone else's turn now.
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02-02-2009, 08:06 AM
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Love Bomb
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NZ (Aotearoa)
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Thank you, guys.
I started the day with a major meltdown. Sobs from way down in my gut and hyperventilating and vomiting, I got myself that worked up, and couldn't face Lyn, though I did face the rest home. And it's over now. The clinical manager is putting through an emergency assessment for Lyn to be placed permanently in the home. I still need to do some things to tie up loose ends, but she is not with me - she is in proper care (and giving them all a run for their money during her agitated sundowning time each day).
I feel emotionally exhausted and it's been a hell of a day. But it's over, and I'm relieved. I shall never speak of this time again, I promise.
Thank you for helping me get through it. I can now look forward to a new dawn - groundhog day is done.
And now I must go sleep.
__________________
“Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place.”
~ Ice T ~
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02-02-2009, 09:18 AM
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Solipsist
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Kolmannessa kerroksessa
Gender: Male
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
*relief*
*applauds*
*hugs*
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02-02-2009, 03:00 PM
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I said it, so I feel it, dick
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Here
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
I am glad the clinic is doing the assessment and Lyn can receive good care...but not by you.
Giving up your life for hers never should have been on the table, and your being suicidal and vomiting from stress just proves it. Lyn may not like professional care, but obviously needs it, and is not in a position to understand her own impact on your lives.
Before Alzheimers, was she the type that would have wanted to be a burden on you and cause you this much pain? If not, then you are honoring who she was when she was herself...ya know? That's a good thing. I hope anyone who knows me does that for me if I become incapacitated.
Take care of you lovely lady.
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02-02-2009, 03:26 PM
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Crafty Agitator
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Minneapolis MN
Gender: Female
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
I'm so glad Lyn is going to get the care she needs, and you're going to have your life back. (You really had me worried, for a bit).
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02-02-2009, 03:34 PM
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not very big for a grown-up
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: England
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
That is good news, Petra.
__________________
I've made a huge tiny mistake!
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02-02-2009, 04:52 PM
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Re: I can't sleep
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petra
I know I should have listened,
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Yes, but not so much to any particular person or persons.
Quote:
but you've no idea of the pressure I was under to take this on. I was getting it from all sides and I yielded
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At least now you have a little space to reflect on why you did that.
__________________
"If you had a brain, what would you do with it?"
~ Dorothy ~
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02-02-2009, 05:38 PM
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I said it, so I feel it, dick
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Here
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Quote:
I know I should have listened, but you've no idea of the pressure I was under to take this on. I was getting it from all sides and I yielded and tried to make the most of it and keep a positive mental attitude about it and try to please everyone by doing "the right thing"
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Pressure from whom? How on Earth were you the one chosen for this unbelievably burdensome responsibility? I would have a chit chat with "all sides". Sounds to me like multiple people were passing the buck.
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02-02-2009, 05:49 PM
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Tellifying
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Northern Virginia
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Alls I can say is I'm glad for you, Petra.
__________________
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02-17-2009, 03:11 PM
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Mr. Condescending Dick Nose
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Augsburg
Gender: Male
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
John Suchet understands. BBC NEWS | Gone from 'a lover to a carer'
I promised myself after the diagnosis, 'Right, John, you will be an understanding husband - you will love and cherish your wife'. Life isn't that simple.
__________________
... it's just an idea
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08-10-2013, 01:59 PM
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Tangled up in Blue
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Lyn passed away on October 29th, 2012. It was a privilege to be by her side as she drew her last breath.
I visited with her every month while she was in the secure dementia wing, and then weekly after she had been moved into the hospital wing, bedridden, after suffering a stroke. In the last days I visited daily and, having so little to say anymore, but being encouraged by staff to keep talking to her, I decided to take my book of essential NZ poems and read them to her. The weekend just prior to her death, I felt comfortable staying half an hour to an hour and then going. But on that Monday, after work, I knew that she was going to die that night, so I stayed and read to her till she was gone. My little joke with her was that I had to bore her to death in the end. lol.
Goodbye, Lyn - hope Lochie Doggy is taking good care of you, and you of him. <3
__________________
"But what counter-insurgency really comes down to is the protection of the capitalists back in America, their property and their privileges. US national security, as preached by US leaders, is the security of the capitalist class in the US, not the security of the rest of the people."
[1975] CIA Diary by Philip Agee
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Thanks, from:
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Adam (08-12-2013), Ari (08-11-2013), BrotherMan (08-10-2013), Clutch Munny (08-10-2013), Crumb (08-15-2013), curses (08-11-2013), davidm (08-11-2013), Demimonde (08-12-2013), Dingfod (08-10-2013), lisarea (08-10-2013), livius drusus (08-10-2013), One for Sorrow (08-10-2013), Pan Narrans (08-10-2013), Qingdai (08-11-2013), Sock Puppet (08-12-2013), SR71 (08-10-2013), Stephen Maturin (08-11-2013), vremya (08-11-2013), Watser? (08-11-2013), Ymir's blood (08-11-2013)
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08-10-2013, 09:42 PM
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Admin of THIEVES and SLUGABEDS
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
That's really lovely. You're a good friend and a caring person, Pets. I'm glad you were with her at the end.
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08-11-2013, 12:32 AM
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Spiffiest wanger
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Ah, Petra, long time no virtually see. Your post jogs my memory. I recall that several years ago, in FF chat, you offered to send me Lyn in a cardboard box with air holes in it as a Secret Santa gift.
How the time goes by. "The days run away like wild horses over the hills" -- Bukowski
Hope all is well with you and your daughter, who must be in adulthood by now. You are a wonderful person Sorry for your loss.
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08-11-2013, 07:34 AM
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Tangled up in Blue
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
Thanks, guys. You were my rock through the darkest days of that particular journey. You kept me buoyant when I was sinking. Thank you.
__________________
"But what counter-insurgency really comes down to is the protection of the capitalists back in America, their property and their privileges. US national security, as preached by US leaders, is the security of the capitalist class in the US, not the security of the rest of the people."
[1975] CIA Diary by Philip Agee
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08-15-2013, 07:47 PM
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Adequately Crumbulent
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Cascadia
Gender: Male
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Re: Alzheimers and the Elderly
That was great of you CG.
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