I've Seen Her Dehydrate, Sir. It's Pretty Great.

[livius drusus]

Ten Internets to anyone who recognizes the paraphrased quote in the title.

So check it. My parents saw a coupon in the paper a few weeks ago which resulted in them impulse buying two tickets on a Danube cruise. Given that they just went to India in February and that my father is pretty much the last human being on this earth you'd expect to spend thousands of dollars on a whim, I decided that there had to be some payoff for me. I mean, it's been years since I asked for a ridiculously generous gift. It's been all books, movies, spice grinders and closet organizers for a decade of birthdays and Christmases.

Which is how I came to own a supersweet Excalibur dehydrator. I've already dried a few veggies and herbs that were languishing in the fridge, but last night I made my first foray into the dehydrator recipe arena by making corn chips. From corn. Also a red pepper, half a Vidalia onion, fresh garlic, grated cheddar, a drappy of olive oil and a bunch of that taco spice mix Demi taught me to make in the Messican thread that I had kept in the freezer since last using it.

I blended them all together and then spread the paste as thin as I could onto two fruit roll up sheets. I set the dehydrator to do its thing at 125 for 10 hours, then this morning flipped the entire corn sheet -- now cracker dry on top but still flexible on the bottom so you could just lift it and put it back face-side down -- and dehydrated for another two hours. When the time was up the corn sheets just snapped into chips easy peasy.

In conclusion, omg these are so delicious, and not only did I not have to slave over spitting hot oil subjecting myself to copious second degree burns, but I didn't even have to turn on the oven. I love my new toy a lot.

Next up: kale chips.

[slimshady2357]

That's the exact model we have and it's just plain awesome.

You don't seem like a jerky girl... but JERKY! JERKY! JERKY!

Also, I don't know about your local grocery store, but here they often have super reduced fruits/veggies late at night. So sometimes we'll buy a crap load of celery say and dehydrate it into celery powder. Great for adding to soups, chilis, etc... obviously onions, garlic, chillies and whatnot are even better since those may be spices/powders that you buy already.

And fruit leathers.... Home-made fruit leathers with nothing added, not even sugar, how can you go wrong? Well, you can't. Apple-blackberry, apple-raspberry, just plain apple... so sweet, people will swear you added sugar.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[livius drusus]

I'm totally up for jerky making. I have literally never had it before, but I want to stretch my wings and fly, man. TELL ME HOW!1

[Ymir's blood]

[slimshady2357]

Omg, I totally already made you an entire thread with pictures and everything!

I haven't changed much since then, but maybe refined the recipe a little.

My current recipe is for 2kgs of beef (about 4.5 pounds for you yankers):

3/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1.5 tablespoons liquid smoke
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon hot chili powder
1 teaspoon ground back peppercorns

I add 1 tablespoon of cayenne podwer to that because I like it hot.

The largest ziplocks we can get will hold about half that, so 1kg of beef and half of the marinade. Then I let the two bags sit in the fridge for 24hrs.

Lay out on the trays and usually takes about 4-8 hours to dry (depends on how thinly you can cut them).

Go. Go. Go.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Ten Internets to anyone who recognizes the paraphrased quote in the title.

Does she have a low tolerance for dehydration? With those lips, you bet.

[livius drusus]

Originally Posted by slimshady2357

Omg, I totally already made you an entire thread with pictures and everything!

How could I have forgotten that thrad? It was awesome! I am totally making your jerky, although I think I'll start with a half recipe.

[Megatron]

I want some of your kale chips.

For my breakfast club. Also, I want all the jerky. all of it.

[Demimonde]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

I'm totally up for jerky making. I have literally never had it before, but I want to stretch my wings and fly, man. TELL ME HOW!1

Wait what? You have never made it or you have never eaten it?

Because that my friend is craaaazy. What do you eat on road trips? Or camping trips? Or out in the desert on a boat with nothing but a case of beer, a gallon of water, and the company of a bunch of paramedics and strippers?

Okay that last one might just be me. But STILL.

[Ymir's blood]

I've never had jerky either.

[Megatron]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

Or out in the desert on a boat with nothing but a case of beer, a gallon of water, and the company of a bunch of paramedics and strippers?

Okay that last one might just be me. But STILL.

wait, what

this warrants explanation

[Demimonde]

Originally Posted by Ymir's blood

I've never had jerky either.

This is more inexplicable than the cherry thing. I mean jerky is in every store everywhere.

Originally Posted by Megatron

wait, what

this warrants explanation

Oh, I thought everyone had heard that old story.

This thread is about epic food dehydration.

[LadyShea]

Jerky is road trip fuel!

[Ymir's blood]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

This is more inexplicable than the cherry thing. I mean jerky is in every store everywhere.

I've led a very insular life and also, food is often somewhat of a chore to me.

[Ari]

Originally Posted by Megatron

wait, what

this warrants explanation Invitation

[livius drusus]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

Wait what? You have never made it or you have never eaten it?

Neither.

Because that my friend is craaaazy. What do you eat on road trips? Or camping trips? Or out in the desert on a boat with nothing but a case of beer, a gallon of water, and the company of a bunch of paramedics and strippers?

Okay that last one might just be me. But STILL.

FINE YOU'RE FUNNER THAN ME. Seriously the only times I've been camping a friend's RV was involved so there was like a fridge and grilling and whatnot. For road trips I'm a pack-a-sammich kind of girl. That's what my parents did when I was a kid and the habit stuck.

[livius drusus]

Addendum to the corn chips story: I only noticed this after eating several chips in quick succession, but they had a very salty finish. Not the first bite, mind you. It only hit after the chip had gone to a better place in mah belleh. When I tasted it in its paste form it was just right, but I didn't consider the ultimate effect once all that water was gone. Protip: underseasoned wet = just right dry.

Now on to the kale chips. I made a very thick, herby dressing from olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, two scallions and a ton of fresh thyme, like a quarter cup at least. I cleaned and tore the kale into fairly large bits and then massaged the dressing into them. The dehydrator ran at 105 for 12 hours and out came these super crispy, paper-thin, dark green chips that taste like a big fancy salad in a single bite. It's some Willy Wonka shit, y'all.

[LadyShea]

As per usual, instead of banana chips and apple snacks and raisins you are going all gourmet. Fine, liv. But you will make beef jerky. Teriyaki maybe. Or smoked. Whatever. Do it now then comment on it.

[BrotherMan]

And maybe include some in Secret Santa?!

[Demimonde]

Those kale chips sound freaking awesome.

And thank you for the new user title.

[slimshady2357]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

How could I have forgotten that thrad? It was awesome! I am totally making your jerky, although I think I'll start with a half recipe.

I just realised that the recipe I gave above is for 1/2 the beef. So I would make two lots of that marinade for the 4.5 pounds of beef. Hope you haven't started yet

[slimshady2357]

Also, you basically can't get corn chips in this stupid rain-sodden country , so could you pretty please post your recipe and method in detail and I will make some corn chips!

[livius drusus]

Of course! Keep in mind I made them taste taco-like with my choice of spices. I'm not sure what spice combination, if any, would give you that classic corn chip taste. This guy seems to think it's nothing more than salt and canola oil.

Dehydrator Corn Chips

2 cups frozen yellow corn, thawed (I'll use fresh when it's in season)
1/2 cup red bell pepper, finely chopped
1/2 Vidalia onion, finely chopped (this is a local sweet onion that can be subbed with any onion, it's just what I had at hand)
2 cloves fresh garlic, chopped
1-2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespooon sriracha
1 teaspoon dried thyme
salt until it tastes just slightly undersalted
black pepper
taco spice mix ground up from a couple of dried chiles, cumin, paprika, garlic powder, oregano

Throw the whole lot in a blender and whir until it's a consistent paste. Taste and adjust for spices, keeping in mind that they'll all be stronger when the dehydrating is done.

Spread as thin and evenly as you can on the fruit leather sheets. Dehydrate at 125 for 10 hours, then flip the sheets over and dehydrate another 2-3 hours until when you try to break off a piece you feel it snap. Crack the sheets up into chip-like pieces and devour. Because I am mental, I took great pleasure in cracking the sheets into long strips and then breaking off triangles from that. I wanted them triangular, okay? STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

[LadyShea]

You could have scored the sheets and broken them over a sharp edge like tile or glass, so roughly breaking them into triangles without tools is slightly less deranged.

[livius drusus]

I actually was thinking I might score them next time. I won't crack them over a sharp edge though. What am I crazy?