Checking yourself before you are wrecking yourself: A poll

[lisarea]

Some time back, at least one of my siblings and I were exchanging tales of "Times we had to sneak into stores without shoes on in order to buy shoes," and some jerk pointed out to us that this was not some big universal experience that everyone could contribute to.

It was only then that I realized that maybe some people really are raised in the lifestyle of checking to make sure you have the right clothes on before you leave the house. And I want to know which ones of you guys are that.

Two of the I think three times I've been in a Walmart were because I discovered I was inappropriately dressed when I was too far from home to turn around. Once, there was no Walmart or anything else, and I had to get a pair of long underwear, a flannel shirt, and some giant stretched out tube socks from my brother to last me a weekend out of state. (I think I bought them offa him, even.)

I have at least twice had to sneak in to buy shoes not wearing shoes (once, I was wearing slippers, tho), and at least one other time I didn't even bother and literally just went around all day barefoot, going out to get lunch and going to work meetings and stuff and just trying to act normal.

My brothers have the best story, though. Once, the two of them went out in the middle of the night and were like sliding down some muddy hill, then three of their four shoes got irretrievably sucked into the mud, and neither one even owned a second pair, so they went to the one all-night store in town, trying to look all casual and stuff even though they were completely covered in mud. And then they bought the same kind, so for a really long time, my brothers wore dumb matching shoes everywhere.

So for real, I honestly didn't even know that sort of thing was weird until someone pointed it out. In my family, this is totally normal. We even have family wisdom we pass along, like when I was a kid, we all passed along the advice that Yellow Front was the best place to go buy some kind of essential clothing when you weren't wearing that essential clothing. They don't exist anymore, though. Probably like dollar stores and thrift stores now or maybe you could pull it off if in the kinds of places that don't even think to check to see if you're wearing shoes or whatever.

One of my mom's best and most useful motherly advices is that hair elastics and bobby pins are free. If you need to put your hair up and don't have the stuff to do it, just look on the ground until you see what you need. It almost always works, too.

So to me, anyway, it's barely even really embarrassing when I end up wearing things wrong and wearing indoor clothes outdoors and going out with a fucking binder clip in your hair that you forgot was there (which for a while was happening to me at least once a week, until I bought a one pound box of bobby pins). It's still funny, though, so everyone report the dumb stuff that you had stuck to your butt all day and things like that.

Also answer the poll, which is pending.

[livius drusus]

I've worn a sweater inside-out before, but the last shoe I lost was the one I threw out the window of our car when I was a toddler. It was red and white checks and I know this because my mom still laments losing that shoe. It matched my outfit very adorably, you see.

[Crumb]

I don't see the poll.

[erimir]

There's no way I would go out without shoes. I don't walk around town barefoot.

I mean, I might go out dressed inappropriately for the specific place I was going (like if there was a specific dress code like no shorts, as was the case at St. Peter's in the Vatican), but I don't go out in pajamas. I only go in pajamas like... out in the yard, to the mailbox, maybe to the neighbor's to ask for something, or to the apartment building office, laundry room or the like. I might go in the case of an emergency, but otherwise if I went out in pajamas it would be because I made a decision to do so, not because I simply forgot that I was wearing pajamas.

I don't put my hairs up, because I keep my hair short.

Generally speaking, I don't go out in public if I'm not dressed appropriately for Walmart, which is admittedly a pretty low standard (although I apply a higher standard to that than some people who go to Walmart). Meaning shirt, pants of some kind, and shoes.

Obviously in special cases like going to the pool, I would be dressed differently.

[ceptimus]

One cold rainy day I drove to work and forgot to take a coat. So I stopped at a supermarket and chose a nice cheap coat that would have been great, except that I then realized that I'd also forgotten to take my wallet so I had no way of paying.

So I just got a little cold and wet.

I remembered when I got to work that there were always several coats hanging on hooks there which people had presumably bought to work one cold morning and then forgotten about when they went back home: I bet some of those coats had been there forever and I could probably just have taken one of those 'free' coats - but I didn't.

[irukandji]

I always have to check to see which shoes I am wearing because I hang out in paddocks, and I shovel shit... so I try not to go into public places capable of leaving tread shaped poop cutouts on their floor... the hardware store, not so much... the local coffee shop.... eh, probably not a welcome addition to the decor

I have never appeared in public with my shirt wrong-side out..

[viscousmemories]

When I was at the beach house last week I wore my t-shirt inside out for 1/2 the day. Only realized my error when I went to change into swim trunks. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal (and it really wasn't) but it was notable for me. I'm so profoundly worried about looking dumb(er)--even just in front of a few friends--that there is no way that would have happened if I weren't so incredibly relaxed.

[One for Sorrow]

I haven't had too many problems with dressing inappropriately for the weather or losing shoes, but I am disastrously fashion oblivious/apathetic... until I see the photographic evidence. I'm talking, like, socks with sandals with board shorts and my grandfather's 30-year-old sweatshirt (yes, this picture exists, and no ) My first reaction is, oh gawd, I actually went out in public and assaulted people's eyeballs like that? I don't deserve to live! My second is righteous anger at whichever friend or family member was with me, because they are supposed to love me, dammit, and they clearly need to start doing a better job of protecting me from myself.

But yeah, I totally don't give a shit how ridiculous I look until confronted with evidence later.

[BrotherMan]

If I'm just going out to the mailbox or to bring in the trash I'll wear whatever I have on, which is usually a t shirt and shorts. I can walk around in the yard all barefoot and it doesn't bother me. But if I'm going somewhere, even if it's just to the Wawa, I usually put on pants to do it.

See, a time was when I was an adult living at home, I'd be sent into town to get something and I'd have to wear the working clothes that I had on. And those clothes were often dirty from the greasy work I'd been doing and nothing matched and I just felt, ugh, you know? People have enough reason to judge on me when I'm in public. I don't dress fancy or anything but I'm not just going to hand folk another reason to look down their nose at me.

There was this one time, though - that wasn't all that long back - when I totally spilled like a whole bean burrito all over myself. I mean it was bad even though it was "just" a bean burrito. Bad enough that I stopped at the Happy Harry's (now Walgreen's) and bought some dumb shirt right off the rack. Strangely enough I came to actually like that shirt and was sad when its usefulness ended for me.

Also.

[Ari]

I often wear semi-miss-matched socks on purpose.
It has the added bonus of hiding when I put on miss-matched socks on accident.

[Qingdai]

Heh. Unmatched socks is how Portland keeps weird! I'm a rebel.

Seriously though, I just roll around on the floor and wear what sticks, if I don't have to go to work and make a conscious effort. Also I'm a freaking mass of stains when I go anywhere, which has only been exacerbated by having a small messy child. So people will lend me something, then refuse to take it back after I've worn it.
AHA. IT WORKED.

But hairbands off of the ground? That's nasty. Too many lice ridden hippies around these parts.


Also pea if you were more Asian centered, you'd never forget your shoes, they're right outside your door. I always wear some kinda footwear.

[thedoc]

Once in the middle of summer I happened to watch 'The Gift of the Magi' on TV. After the show was over I got up to go outside, went to the closet and got my winter coat, then I realized it was the middle of summer.

[LadyShea]

I don't even understand you, pea. I have been caught unawares by bizarre cold climates a few times, and had to buy sweatshirts (Tahoe and San Francisco) and a fleece jacket, hat, and scarf in N. Wales, and I bought a little kids stocking hat and cut the top off to make it one of the hat/headbands things that just covers your ears in March of this year because we had a sudden few days of below freezing during our vacation....which never happens!

But no, I have never been all do de doing down the street and suddenly realized I had no shoes or whatever.

[lisarea]

Just to be clear, I don't actually leave the house without any shoes on at all, unless you count the slippers that time. And I at least usually was wearing some kind of socks or tights.

So if you're imagining I just go get on a bus and go downtown barefoot, that doesn't happen. That would be even better, though.

Just, you know, things happen. They get sucked into the mud, fall into a volcano, burst into flames, stuff like that. Or maybe they're new and they end up hurting really bad after you've worn them for an hour (the one barefoot day shoes was that--they were fine when I first tried them out, but after the bus ride then walking to the office, my feet were literally bleeding), or you take them off for a minute and they get lost or stolen. Usually it's the volcanos, though.

[But]

Just about when the OP was posted, someone I know with big tits whom I didn't expect at all hugged me at the train station to tell me that my sandals look like shit. At the time my fashionable summer clothing was full of water mostly because the only thing that I didn't have in my "US Assault Pack" 30 euro rucksack was a rain coat. The thunderstorm started about an hour earlier. Is that on topic?

[Watser?]

I have bought raincoats and even jackets when I'd forgotten to take one. This is the main reason I have jackets with the names of festivals on them. It's cold, they sell them, it's the age-old story.

[Demimonde]

You know those anxiety dreams you have as a kid about going to school in your underwear or naked or something? I have that with shoes. My nightmare is that I would be out in public and look down in horror and realize I am barefoot. I am prolly going to have one of those dreams now, so THANKS LISA.

I think it stems from my dad's frustration with me as a kid. I could never keep my shoes in order. I would come home, take one shoe off in the living room, sprint around the house and leave the other someplace mysterious. Like under the bed or in the dishwasher or something. So whenever we had to go somewhere, I had to find my shoes before we could go. Unfortunately for my dad, that would involve a massive expedition to search every corner of the house for Demi's shoes. My poor, poor dad. I don't remember, but I think a few times I just had to go without in emergencies and I was horrified and most likely crying.

Also, one time I lost a shoe on the playground and freaked the fuck out. My teacher made me the most cunning little moccasin out of those ubiquitous brown paper towels and tape. In my memory, it was just gorgeous and perfectly made. I am sure it looked ridiculous, but to me it wasn't just something like a bag to cover my foot, it was the epitome and essence of shoe and I felt much better.

The only other time I can think of that I was shoeless in public was in my early twenties when I had these really cute, really terrible red heels I kept wearing even though I knew I needed to stop. They tore my feet up something awful and I knew that if I wore them home they would go back into the closet and I would end up wearing them again because they matched some outfit. So I left them in a raised planter on the little patio of a coffee shop we had closed down and my date (Contra!) carried me to my car. He thought I was so strange. I imagined that some girl might find them and love them and they would be her magic fairytale shoes. Until she put them on and realized, nooooooo, they are cursed demonic shoes that will murder your feet.

I do check myself to an extent before I go out. The only things that get me are: not realizing I am COVERED in dog hair of all shades and colors, sneaky damn socks that hide in the hood of my hoodies, skipping a button and having the whole crooked girl who wore a crooked shirt with a crooked smile thing.

I am compulsive about carrying around bobby pins and hair ties. My hair is less than three inches long now and I still carry around like five ties at all times. I always keep one around my lighter, one wrapped around the skeleton key on my key ring, one around my magpie Altoids tin in my purse so it will never, ever, accidentally open, and a few in said tin with a gazillion bobby pins, safety pins, tiny scissors, knives, tweezers and other assorted little shiny useful things. Even then, I will still find myself wearing one on my wrist from force of habit, just because I picked one up off my vanity or out of some drawer or something.

[LadyShea]

I just remembered a story. I wore really cute white cotton capris to the zoo. Because white pants, I had on a thong. It poured rain and I was soaked and everyone at the zoo saw my butt because the pants became transparent

[thedoc]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

I just remembered a story. I wore really cute white cotton capris to the zoo. Because white pants, I had on a thong. It poured rain and I was soaked and everyone at the zoo saw my butt because the pants became transparent

Photos?

[JoeP]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

I just remembered a story. I wore really cute white cotton capris to the zoo. Because white pants, I had on a thong. It poured rain and I was soaked and everyone at the zoo saw my butt because the pants became transparent

[JoeP]

Originally Posted by thedoc

Photos?

[livius drusus]

Also .

[But]

Originally Posted by JoeP

Originally Posted by JoeP

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by But

Just about when the OP was posted, someone I know with big tits whom I didn't expect at all hugged me at the train station to tell me that my sandals look like shit.

:humblebrag:

[But]

Reading the rest of the thread and the freshly thanked comments above reminded me of something else:

The female woman whose eyes looked like a pair of X chromosomes each was finishing my sentences for me. That was helpful. I was cold. Cold from the rain and wet like the paint from the festival she had been at. The belt attached to the military-style rucksack still on my back hindered me from causing a "scene" in the rain in the middle of the usual Saturday night mating fever season in front of everyone at Saarbrücken main train station, which is relatively large.

She stole my email addresses, my soul and all is fine.