lisarea's Honky Assed Puttanesca Recipe

[lisarea]

I had a p. good idea this morning, inspired, like so many p. good ideas, by a dirty dish I saw.

The idea is of "ranch dressing leather."

You pour a bunch of ranch dressing on some wax paper and leave it out until it dries, then you roll that shit up and carry it around in your pocket as a snack to eat on a bus.

If anybody wants to put this idea on Pinterest or a Christian forum, please throw me a link.

[livius drusus]

You are extremely gross.

[lisarea]

Well, that was hurtful.

Why don't you cough up some of your recipes for bus snax if you've got such a huge problem with mine? HUH?

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

You are extremely gross.

But it's low carb!

[Qingdai]

BBQ sauce leather...

[lisarea]

Oh hey, I just found out we get some kind of a farm channel or something? It's like about farmers I guess, plus they have commercials for guns and probably that Farmer's Only mating site. It is probably accidental, or maybe bled over from Kansas or something, because it is totally inappropriate.

But I watched it for like ten minutes and they had a recipe for mango salsa that consisted of mangos, corn, and red bell peppers, so I stopped watching and came back to tell you.

[Ensign Steve]

We have that Farmer's Only mating site, too. Oh how it makes me lol every time.

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

a non-honkey Puttanesca

Frank Nelson - Yeeeesssss - YouTube

[lisarea]

Dear Mr. drusus,

Maybe I wasn't clear enough. I want your puttanesca recipe.

Love,
Mr. Pea.

[livius drusus]

Oh. Yeah, I didn't get that at all.

livius' Non-Honky Assed Puttanesca

1 pound San Marzano tomatoes, chopped
10 black olives (ideally brine-cured Gaetas, but failing that any brine-cured black will do. My mom uses Kalamatas all the time, but they have too sour an undertone for my tastes.)
2 teaspoons capers, rinsed and coarsely chopped
10 anchovy fillets, minced. (I use a garlic press because it breaks them up perfectly and helps filter out some of those little hairy bones which bug me)
1 peperoncino (I keep it whole and remove it because I'm a heat wuss, but if you're not just chop it up)
3 garlic cloves, chopped
some olive oil

Pit the olives and cut them in half. Put a couple of turns of oil in a pan on medium-low. Once it's shimmering, throw in the garlic and peperoncino and saute for 30 seconds until fragrant. Add the anchovies and stir until thoroughly distributed. Add the capers and stir. Add the tomatoes and stir.

Cook on a low simmer for 20 minutes until it thickens. Add the olives and taste. Add salt if necessary, which in my experience it never is on account of the capers and the anchovies.

This makes enough for a pound of spaghetti.

[lisarea]

That looks really really good, and both of my regular grocery stores have olive bars, so I can probably get that kind.

Do you use those fancy salt-cured anchovies? I've been thinking about whether I should get a bucket of those, or just keep using the tinned ones packed in oil. I do use a lot of anchovies, so it might be worth upgrading.

[livius drusus]

I use the tinned ones in oil (thanks again, Costco) these days, but when we lived in Italy we used the salt-cured ones. They have to be very thoroughly rinsed before use, needless to say, but otherwise the recipe remains the same, quantities and mincing and all that.

[JoeP]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

10 anchovy fillets, minced. (I use a garlic press because it breaks them up perfectly and helps filter out some of those little hairy bones which bug me)

* JoeP adds another item to the list

[Dingfod]

...a list of things to have available to throw at politicians and bad actors.

[JoeP]

Originally Posted by Dingfod

...a list of things to have available to throw at politicians and bad actors.

Which of those are you saying livius is?

[lisarea]

I'm gonna PS first because I forgot to say I made that puttanesca almost exactly like you said. I forgot the kind of olives you said when I was at the store, so I just did Kalamatas like regular. And it was real good, so thank you for your livius drusus puttanesca! I just didn't want you to think this was going to be like with the turnips.

But back to the real topic of this thrad:

Someone Ate This

I feel like maybe you don't even need the recipes for most of these because you can just recreate them visually. (BTW, there are a couple or few things on there that I think might be green chili, which always looks unfortunate even though it's awesome. Most of it, though, is just inexcusable.)

I had no idea that hot dog salads were such a thing.

And no, I don't feel bad about laughing at people's terrible food, because I have decided that most of them are probably MRAs or something.

[BrotherMan]

oh god. i can't.

I'll admit, though, some things (many more than I care to admit) have come out p terrible looking and about as appetizing as some of those things. I eat my mistakes just so I really learn the lesson to a) try and do better or b) never do that again.

[lisarea]

I screw things up all the time, too. And I also make things that look p. gross but aren't. Green chili and curries are almost always pretty nasty looking, even when they are delicious.

But if I put pictures of those things on the internet, I'm doing it either for purposes of people making fun of them, or at least with the understanding and acceptance that it's going to happen.

And if you're not going to have your Oppenheimer moment of your own volition, I am OK with doing it for you. My God, what have you done?

I mean, if you make these tacos and you have the Dunning Kruger effect so bad you think the world needs to know about it, you need to hear what the world says about that. It's the only way you might ever learn anything.

PS the official food of Men Going Their Own Way.

[livius drusus]

Oh christ so much vomit and lumpiness. I feel ill.

eta jesus christ the tacos... I seriously need a breath of fresh air.

[BrotherMan]

The blessing you should take away from that site is that most of the stuff there is unrecognizable.

[lisarea]

Oh, god, I meant to warn you that a couple of those things gave me trypophobia even though I didn't have it before. I was just like, all of the sudden, it made sense.

[BrotherMan]

Dump Cakes Infomercial with Cathy Mitchell -...

[Janet]

Wow. My sister talks about having dump cakes as a kid all the time. I thought it was just something our family did.

[lisarea]

YES TO THIS:

A Paean To Shitty Food Blogs | MUNCHIES

And FTW for not telling me about Masaokis before. I only watched the Obamalette one so far, but I can already tell it's great.

[erimir]

Enjoy your whore noodles.