New And Improved Rant Thread, now with 50% more profanity!

[Angakuk]

My wife bought me a grave plot for Christmas. Now she keeps asking me when I plan to use it. Is my marriage in trouble?

[SR71]

Better cancel your insurance...

[Janet]

The cemetery near me has a sign saying, "Lots for Sale". Do they really think if they don't call them plots everyone will forget the sign's on a big ass cemetery?

[Angakuk]

Lots for sale, right. Just try building on one.

[wildernesse]

Dear Four professional boobfeeding consultants who I told that I was having excruciating pain while nursing that did not stop,

Perhaps if you had looked in my baby's mouth to see he had tongue tie, we mighta coulda resolved that whole excruciating breakthrough pain business at the beginning. We'll never know.

I don't really have words for number five who acted like I was an idiot for bringing up the idea of tongue tie, and I didn't see her any way because she said it wouldn't do any good since I wasn't having success with the other's advice.

But 9 months later, we're down to just everyday discomfort. And my child has finally started sticking his tongue out of his mouth. So I guess everything turned out ok.

[Qingdai]

Oh Jeeze Wildy, I wish I could have helped you. Although I'm no Lactation Consultant, I certainly know to check for tongue tie. You'd be surprised how many people have it, to varying degrees.
I'm sorry no one thought to look at Jaguar's mouth.

[Ensign Steve]

Dear Dish Network,

Your inability to negotiate contracts with CBS, HBO, XYZ, and whoever the fuck else is not my problem. I think it's cute how you think you can motivate me to start a letter-writing campaign or call my congressman or whatever it is you think I, personally, can do to fix your problem by threatening that my favorite shows are going to go away (during my favorite shows, thank you very much) if I don't. I have three words for you. The Pirate Bay.

[vremya]

Goddamn motherfucking taxes.

[LadyShea]

I carefully explained that if I don't know how to do something on whatever software I will use the help function and/or the Internet to find the answer, and I always find the answer and get the job done....your test doesn't assess resourcefulness though, does it? Why did you make me waste all that time when I told you, flat out, how I would score? It's not a bad score, I know, and guess what, that was the first time I've ever seen that version and I still did not bad. Give me a real test; like assign me a from scratch project or something so I can show you what I can do.

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by Ensign Steve

Dear Dish Network,

Your inability to negotiate contracts with CBS, HBO, XYZ, and whoever the fuck else is not my problem. I think it's cute how you think you can motivate me to start a letter-writing campaign or call my congressman or whatever it is you think I, personally, can do to fix your problem by threatening that my favorite shows are going to go away (during my favorite shows, thank you very much) if I don't. I have three words for you. The Pirate Bay.

HA! HAHAHA! HA! Vindicated am I! Jon Stewart made the exact fucking same joke on his show.

"Basic Cable Arab Spring"

TV Banned - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 07/16/12 - Video Clip | Comedy Central

And! And! LOL Look at what they have splashed across the bottom of the daily show's own website:

[LadyShea]

LOL Damn is this really Viacom's blog? Because, dude, that's some blunt right there

Ya know what's sad? I noticed some channels were out but I was all "oh, that's odd, what's that about" then went and watched something else, and had no idea until ES alerted me through John Stewart what was happening.

Now if my HGTV was gone, I would be all kinds of pissed off.

[Sock Puppet]

Fuck, and I was just thinking about switching to DirecTV on accounta my extreme rage at Comcast.

[LadyShea]

I think I will tell DirecTV I am considering Dish Network and see what happens

[Ensign Steve]

Oh, also, the thing I forgot in my original rant is that I only have one option out here in BFE, anyway. I have one phone option, one TV option (dish network), and one internet option (DSL). I buy all three from the same local company and it's wicked cheap. So it's not like I can fucking switch providers or boycott anything anyway. I'm at their mercy, so it's their damn job to figure it out! DSL is slow as balls for pirating shit.

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by Sock Puppet

Fuck, and I was just thinking about switching to DirecTV on accounta my extreme rage at Comcast.

I was just fixing to make that call a while ago, but I decided to wait out the negotiations first.

[LadyShea]

Originally Posted by Ensign Steve

Oh, also, the thing I forgot in my original rant is that I only have one option out here in BFE, anyway. I have one phone option, one TV option (dish network), and one internet option (DSL). I buy all three from the same local company and it's wicked cheap. So it's not like I can fucking switch providers or boycott anything anyway. I'm at their mercy, so it's their damn job to figure it out! DSL is slow as balls for pirating shit.

I have one Internet option DSL, and 3 TV options (DirecTV, Dish, or shitty ass local cable that is shitty)

[Sock Puppet]

I have several options now -- when I first moved here, we had only one, EnTouch -- but I pretty much have to stick with bundle options for any of them to be affordable. So there are these options three: Comcast, who can go fuck themselves vigorously at the earliest opportunity, and I can't wait to dump them; DirecTV, who apparently have just fucked themselves; or the aforementioned EnTouch.

Mebbe EnTouch is better now that they don't have a regional monopoly, but when I had them they 1) refused to help us run a simple land-line into a room that logically needed one, and 2) had constant Internet service interruptions. At least Comcast did run the line for us, and have decent connectivity. But good luck if you need any follow-up service from them, and they've recently jacked up my bill by $50/month. They don't even support their own hardware. They said they'd be happy to look into the issues we've been having with the equipment they provided, which I'd have to relinquish back to them when I drop them (at least DirecTV said, "Nah, keep your stuff, it's yours" when we switched). That'll just be an additional monthly charge, on top of the extra $50. Yeah, I'll get right on that, assholes.

[Crumb]

We just use the rabbit ears.

[LadyShea]

The call to DirecTV was worth it. I didn't even say I missed the channels or was going to switch or anything. I said I understood business negotiations sometimes go wrong, but thought the public finger pointing and he said/she said was really ugly*...so she threw offers at me. They will come to a deal eventually, they need each other.

Switching people like you Sock and lisarea can probably get incentivized if you say something like "I was all ready to switch to DTV but not without Spike!


*Though I had to bite my tongue to not say "I want my MTV!"

[Sock Puppet]

The hell with Spike, but without Nick the Li'l Puppet will prolly throw me out of the house and find a new Daddy.

[LadyShea]

See this here? This is how you test people for job skills! If I even knew what any of that shit was and could do it I would totally apply with these guys

Here’s a list of tests before you apply: Recruiting Homework Assignments
Please choose two assignments and send the solutions to jobs@esrlabs.com.
Alternatively, link us to some open-source projects you’ve worked on and on which you are particularly proud of. Jobs | E.S.R.Labs

[vremya]

I really wish you yahoos would be upfront about the income guidelines for your program so I'd know BEFORE I rounded up a ton of information that it's pointless for me to apply for your program. Just sayin.

[Janet]

I ran out of milk for my coffee this morning, didn't even have enough heavy cream left for the second cup. Tonight I'm going to a butt-numbing Bat-marathon right after work. It's the first two Dark Knight films followed by the new one at midnight, so I won't be home until 3:00am. It's too hot to leave milk in my car all day so I won't have milk for my coffee in the mornings.

Why am I so stupid!? I was at the damn store after work yesterday picking up zip-loc baggies for my sister. Why the hell didn't I get milk then?

[S.Vashti]

Janet, this is the time that "emergency creamer" comes in handy. I don't drink milk in my coffee, but my dad did. So I always kept a jar of Coffeemate creamer around for him. It's not a good substitute, but it would do.

Also, not to pick on you, but my mother wants to know what criteria are used to toss books from a library?

Swear words are: as balls!, go rot!, and frell that.

[Janet]

Fortunately for me, I recovered from the marathon early enough to stop at the cafe in the Art Institute for coffee before work. Have I mentioned before how much I love that the museum next door to the library has a cafe? Because I love it beyond reason.

As far as book weeding goes, there are a few criteria. First you want to get anything that's damaged, smelly or nasty in other ways. Duplicates are an easy decision. We don't have shelf space for multiple copies of anything that's not in high demand. Then I mostly look at circulation. I'm a pretty tough weeder, so I usually go for 5 years, less for computer books. If no one has checked it out for that long, it usually goes. If it's something rare or of special value I will often put it in storage rather than just withdraw it.

You also have to think about special collections. If something is relevant to Flint or Michigan, we're more likely to keep it. There are limits, though. For instance, yesterday I discovered we owned three copies of a book on the art in Detroit people mover stations. Naturally, I tossed two and kept only one. I have no idea why someone thought we needed three in the first place.

I have coworkers who are more fastidious than me. They will check to see if other libraries own the book and if so how many before they make their decision. If we're one of the only people who own it, they will keep it. I understand the logic, it's just not a step I usually bother with myself. On something like that I'd probably think that if every other library tossed it they probably had a good reason.

Our withdrawn books go to the Friends of the Library to sell. We have two book sales every year. What's left over might, eventually, get trashed, but usually it just gets stored for the next sale. In some cases we give them to other institutions. I weeded the musical scores last year and we gave everything to the Flint Institute of Music. When we closed the branches last summer we made up boxes for halfway houses, women's shelters and other local organizations. I remember making a couple of home repair boxes for a group that helps rehab older homes to sell cheaply to low income residents. I figured they could give them out to the new homeowners.