Do you really ever know?

Adora · #1 07-19-2004, 05:46 AM

OKay, this is probably a stupid question, but *shrug* Feel free to tell me so if you feel it.

Are you ever really sure about your sexuality, ever, in life?

pescifish · #2 07-19-2004, 05:56 AM

I'm gonna have to ask a stupid question to know how (or if I can) answer:

By "sure about your sexuality" do you mean orientation as in homo or heterosexual?

I mean, seriously, there are times I'm not sure about my sexuality, period. Asexual seems to be ok for me these days, though I'm sure if there was someone interested/interesting around the fire would flare back up.

Lauri D · #3 07-19-2004, 07:19 AM

I'd have to go with pesci on this one in asking exactly "how do you mean"?

It's my theory that sexuality is quite "fluid" in homo sapiens (was just reading somewhere that the term "heterosexual" was rather recently invented, though I will have to research it).

In any case, I (obviously) can speak only for myself in that it (sexuality) is not now, nor has it ever been, something clearly delineated. I identify comfortably as bisexual, which inevitably discomfits some people, but to hell-n-back with 'em.

I yam what I yam, and that's what I yam.

RevDahlia · #4 07-19-2004, 08:26 AM

I am really sure that I can tell who I want to fuck and who I don't. That's knowing enough for me.

Lauri D · #5 07-19-2004, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RevDahlia

I am really sure that I can tell who I want to fuck and who I don't. That's knowing enough for me.

Dingfod · #6 07-19-2004, 01:01 PM

"Yeah... that", for me too. I don't wonder about it too much, but I do know what I like.

Warren

Adora · #7 07-20-2004, 01:46 AM

Yeah I meant orientation, but *shrug* nevermind.

Dingfod · #8 07-20-2004, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adora

Yeah I meant orientation, but *shrug* nevermind.

I knew what you meant. And I admit to some urges in the same-sex direction, but I don't go ga-ga when I see attractive men like I do when I see a shapely woman. That's what I meant by "I know what I like."

Warren

LadyShea · #9 07-20-2004, 03:02 AM

In this discussion, I always separate sex from romantic involvement. All romantic/lovey/hand holdy/grow-old-together feelings for me have been for men (well 1 man now), but I have found myself sexually attracted to certain women and have acted on the attraction. I use the term "recreationally bi". It's all a spectrum

Why do you ask?

Adora · #10 07-20-2004, 05:26 AM

Random curiousity and pitiful navel gazing thoughts.

LadyShea · #11 07-20-2004, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adora

Random curiousity and pitiful navel gazing thoughts.

Navel gazing is never pitiful, my best ideas come when I am contemplating nothing

viscousmemories · #12 07-20-2004, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShea

Navel gazing is never pitiful, my best ideas come when I am contemplating nothing

Wait. You've got no navel?! Weird.

Yeah so sexual orientation? I'm with Lauri (and others) in that I believe sexuality is a fairly liquid thing. I've almost never found myself physically attracted to a man, but I'm not entirely uninterested in the idea. But who knows how much of that is socialization vs. biology vs. psychology, etc.?

Not I, said the fly. :popcorn:

Goliath · #13 07-20-2004, 07:24 PM

I used to be completely certain as to my sexuality, but that changed awhile ago...

Hugo Holbling · #14 07-20-2004, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adora

Are you ever really sure about your sexuality, ever, in life?

It's not a stupid question. I suggest you look at Foucault's History of Sexuality, on which there are a few reasonable introductory comments here.

Adora · #15 07-21-2004, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShea

Navel gazing is never pitiful, my best ideas come when I am contemplating nothing

Mine come in the shower and the toilet.

No wonder so many turn out to be absolute shit.

huntress · #16 07-22-2004, 12:42 AM

At any given moment you can be sure, I think. But to pronounce oneself homo or hetero for life is hopelessly deluded and/or limiting because...how do you know your tastes won't change? To state "I'm a hetero male, period" is to deny the possibility that you just haven't met the right man yet and sets you up to reject him--or worse, persecute him in some way due to your fear of your own biases--should he appear.

I think you can ever only know your own tastes in the moment. To state them for a lifetime is to indirectly claim omniscience. There was a time I hated dry red wine. Had I not opened my mind to the possibility that my tastes may someday change, I'd be missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures.

d

HelenM · #17 07-22-2004, 12:54 AM

[shameless quick derail]hi huntress! I'm glad to see you here :welcome3:

Helen[/shameless quick derail]

huntress · #18 07-22-2004, 01:06 AM

Hi, Helen! Thanks!

Deceptively quiet, my ass.

d

Lauri D · #19 07-22-2004, 04:03 AM

*ears perk up*

Did d say something about.... "my ass"?

Erm, sorry. As you were. :tiptoe:

ON TOPIC:

Quote:

I think you can ever only know your own tastes in the moment. To state them for a lifetime is to indirectly claim omniscience. There was a time I hated dry red wine. Had I not opened my mind to the possibility that my tastes may someday change, I'd be missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures.

Good point! I've been pleasantly surprised more than once by not limiting myself to things I've "always liked" or think are the only things I'd like.

seebs · #20 07-22-2004, 06:19 PM

An interesting and non-trivial question. I am not sure. I think you can get a pretty good idea with time. I'm pretty sure, at this point, that I'm "Just Plain Straight". I thought I was probably bi in college, but I never did anything about it... My original thinking was that I wasn't sufficiently "into girls" to be straight. My current theory is that I'm very, very, picky. The initial primate reaction of "ooh, that's a possible source of sex" triggers on the normal range of women, but I only find a very few actually attractive enough to do anything about it; under ten, so far. Luckily, I married one of 'em.

Sweetie · #21 07-23-2004, 04:11 AM

I could maybe come up with five men I've found "attractive enough" and I married one of those too. :haha:

(My Husband, poor guy :wink:

)

HelenM · #22 07-23-2004, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adora

OKay, this is probably a stupid question, but *shrug* Feel free to tell me so if you feel it.

Are you ever really sure about your sexuality, ever, in life?

If you could be sure, what difference would it make to your life? Or if you decided you couldn't be sure, what difference would it make?

I'm just curious.

Helen

Adora · #23 07-24-2004, 02:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelenM

If you could be sure, what difference would it make to your life? Or if you decided you couldn't be sure, what difference would it make?
I'm just curious.
Helen

I have no idea. I'd like to think positive, but how do I know? I always think "maybe it would make me more confident" or something like that, but I know in reality it wouldn't.

catalyst · #24 07-26-2004, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adora

Yeah I meant orientation, but *shrug* nevermind.

Well, in my case, yes. I have never found anything even remotely attractive about a man, and quite literally have no idea how anyone would.

viscousmemories · #25 07-26-2004, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by catalyst

Well, in my case, yes. I have never found anything even remotely attractive about a man, and quite literally have no idea how anyone would.

I don't mean to sound like an armchair psychologist, but I used to think exactly the same thing and I think it was related to a certain degree of self-loathing. I mean, as a man how can you feel good about yourself sexually if it's impossible for you to imagine anyone being attracted to a man?