New And Improved Rant Thread, now with 50% more profanity!

[Ymir's blood]

Originally Posted by Watser?

They gave me a new book without even asking for a receipt

Those bastards!

[Corona688]

Yog, it's hard to help customers who make shit up instead of giving real error messages. Like "it says internet access cut off by [employee name], right here!!! PUT IT BACK!" Actual message was limited or no connectivity. Which he gets because he insists on using his cheapass belkin router, which pulls that crap once in a while. He also lied about already having rebooted his router, completely certain the problem couldn't be with it.

[Tanda]

I despise talking to Belkin's tech support.

[Dingfod]

ATTN: Long-greasy-haired goober in beat up red Ford Tempo in East Tulsa

RE: Your one-fingered salute

The exit off the freeway at 21st is two lanes wide. I stayed in the lane I was already in because I saw other cars coming down the ramp behind me in the other lane. I stopped at the traffic light behind three other vehicles. I didn't make you almost rear-end me, but apparently you were a little slow throwing out the clump of cinder blocks you use to slow that dented, oil-smoking rustbucket before you swerved right in front of the cars coming down the ramp in the other lane just so you could be first at the light. After we turned left onto 21st, the others in front of me peeled off in different directions, two jumping right back on the freeway headed in the opposite direction, having apparently realized they forgot to they were supposed kiss the wife and kick the dog and not the other way around, and the other, the Honda, changed lanes coming up right behind you, leaving me and you side-by-side at the light on the side street. You revved three of the four cylinders up menacingly, but I was not impressed because even a moderate push of the gas pedal of my 300 horsepower SUV shot me ahead of your underpowered POS when the light changed. Three or four car lengths in front of you and still pulling away, I signaled and moved into your lane of traffic because I had a right turn coming up in about a block or so. Nearly a half a block before my turn, I signaled my intention to turn. But, did that stop you from running right up on my rear end, then barely missing the back of my beautiful red ride when you swerved to beat the Honda which had gone around you after the light because your junkheap is so slow? No. However, I know anyone can pedal one of those rolling junkyards fast enough to fly along at 40-45 mph in a 35 zone, given enough distance, two blocks or so was apparently sufficient. But, color me amazed that you had sufficient coordination to one-hand that manual worm and sector steering box equipped Fraud Tempo[rary] and swerve like that. Consider me impressed with your mighty NASCAR-like reflexes and talent while using your middle finger on your free hand indicate you are number one and ahead of me. Wow.

[Qingdai]

Hey, I think I found the one finger salute's perfect girl friend today. I had the light for a left hand turn, but that did not convince her that she should stop at the red light and let the line of cars through. Nope, she kept going. Probably because she was taking an important call as to where to purchase her new drugs.

[freemonkey]

Hey, shithead. Just because we used to be married to each other doesn't mean I agree with your "politics". Do you even stop to think about what you are agreeing with when you nod your head to what other stupid dipshits say?

Did you think I would read that bolded multi-colored screed and say "wow, you know, whoever wrote that really knows what he's talking about, and my ex sure is smart to be on board with those ideas. Bet I'll see him at the next Tea Party."

Nope. I said, "damn. What a dumbass. Glad I left when I did all those years ago."

Originally Posted by StupidFuckingEmailForward

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?



"My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.


Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mezamies.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this.. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change..

Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget..

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America .. Thank you and good night.."

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

(Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every USA computer!)

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by freemonkey

...Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war...

These are probably the same math-deficient people that thought you could give every American a million dollars for less than the stimulus bill and bank bailout.

[Corona688]

May the camels of a thousand fleas invest the inventor of the voice-driven phone maze. It's bad enough I'm denied any access to the actual humans I need to talk to, needing to scream useless parroted phrases to a deaf robot like some lunatic holding a dead squirrel is just beyond the pale. Having said robot suggest calling me back, only to have the robot and NOT a human call me back, put me back on hold, for half an hour, then hang up on me costing me my place in line should be a capital offense for whoever designed this fetid thing.

[irukandji]

Originally Posted by freemonkey

Hey, shithead. Just because we used to be married to each other doesn't mean I agree with your "politics". Do you even stop to think about what you are agreeing with when you nod your head to what other stupid dipshits say?

Did you think I would read that bolded multi-colored screed and say "wow, you know, whoever wrote that really knows what he's talking about, and my ex sure is smart to be on board with those ideas. Bet I'll see him at the next Tea Party."

i am pretty sure i married shithead's cousin

[Watser?]

Originally Posted by shithead

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget..

Yes you will.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by Watser?

Yes you will.

Who are you again?

[Caligulette]

Originally Posted by Watser?

Yes you will.

Wut? We never forget someone who owes us a favor! If we hadn't let you be willing, you'd be on that other list!

[Ymir's blood]

Originally Posted by Caligulette

Wut? We never forget someone who owes us a favor! If we hadn't let you be willing, you'd be on that other list!

We definitely repaid Noriega and Hussein for their support during the Cold War.

[Caligulette]

Originally Posted by Ymir's blood

We definitely repaid Noriega and Hussein for their support during the Cold War.

S'right- we done dug Saddam out of a hole! Ungrateful wretch!

[Qingdai]

Originally Posted by Corona688

May the camels of a thousand fleas invest the inventor of the voice-driven phone maze. It's bad enough I'm denied any access to the actual humans I need to talk to, needing to scream useless parroted phrases to a deaf robot like some lunatic holding a dead squirrel is just beyond the pale. Having said robot suggest calling me back, only to have the robot and NOT a human call me back, put me back on hold, for half an hour, then hang up on me costing me my place in line should be a capital offense for whoever designed this fetid thing.

See Canada is already enjoying some of the many benefits and advances of the US health insurance system. Now try dialing that number dying of cancer! Or being a doctor treating someone dying of cancer who had their claim to treat said cancer patient denied!
Oh the thrills!

[Zehava]

Originally Posted by user

I didn't send no resume to no Googles!

Then why the fuck did you open up the message (and attachment) from "Google" and infect your PC with an email spamming virus.

Jesus H. Motherfucking Christ, no matter how many times we tell users not to open attachments from sources you are not expecting email from they never listen. Why should they? There are NO consequences for deliberately infecting your PC with a virus.

Steal a $2 notebook of paper, get fired. Infect your PC with a virus, clogging the email system and overloading the help desk phone system with people calling in about the spam they are getting... please try not to do that again.

[curses]

When the company bothers to put instructions on the bowl saying to pour carefully because water will be hot after microwaving they ought to make sure the bowl isn't made of such cheap plastic that it bows in and pours nearly-boiling water all over your fingers.

Run-on sentence FTW

[irukandji]

shit!!!!!

i am serious, this is about shit!!!!!

we just got a notice from the county that says we are in violation of a "code" that says we have to pump the septic every 3 years, regardless of occupancy!!

we pumped every year when rearing 4 kids here, total occupany of 6, with a septic system big enough to handle the demand, but it was pragmatic, with 3 toilets, 3 showers, at least a load a day in laundry, and running a dishwasher 2X/day.....

we are down to TWO occupants, which means a reduced outflow of sewage, AND gray water that doesnt require pumping on THEIR schedule! crikey we GET it, we dont need shit backing into the tub to know when it is time to pump!!!

for FUCK's sake, already!! now i have to make a path out to the septic tank thru about 20 inches of snow cos that is the direction we blow it off the driveway!! who the fuck pumps septic in the winter?!?! ARRRGH!!!!!

just a lousy month for the expense since we have to pay out of pocket for adrien's medical tests.... cash..... ugh!

[Brimshack]

Godammit! The new shower head is perfect. And the lack of water flow was always the shower head and not general water pressure. I could have had good showers all fucking year!

Dammit, I always assume the worst case scenario, and every once in awhile it turns out that something was perfectly fixible.

Fuck me!

...with a goddam shower head.

[Sock Puppet]

Yes, Virginia, there IS an abnormally large crowd waiting to get on the elevator. So naturally, you decide to drag out our wait just a liiiiittle bit longer by pausing to gawk at us. Fucking brilliant.

[Qingdai]

Oh too expensive repair center of doppler devices, thanks for trying to charge what a new doppler would cost for repair, and thanks even more for not fucking returning the battery door AND when I call to ask for it back say, "tough shit, we threw it out as it was broken." It certainly wasn't when I sent it to you asshole.

[Dingfod]

Goddammit, I'm not even pissed off enough about anything right now to write a decent rant. Oh, okay, I'm up in the middle of the night because I slept too fucking long during the day after my last night shift. I can't fucking get off night shifts!

[Sock Puppet]

You fucking pissbag. You nearly cause a collision with me because you can't possibly let me in front of you to get on the freeway, because you're Number 1. Then you change lanes because you weren't getting on the freeway. So essentially, you went out of your way to be a prick, and nearly cause an accident. Well done, I guess.

[inland wave]

It was not a good night last night, I could not VPN from home. It is not going to be a good day today. 3 meetings, close deadline and class tonight. Nothing wants to cal or work right. I hope to get a close extention, but I am sure it won't be granted. Damn it to hell., when can I get off this merry-go-round. If I am here to ungodly hours of the night to night I am calling in tomorrow hands down. Ding, don't look for me to be home tonight. Got to get this shit done so I will be cutting class short tonight so I can get back to it. This is worse than the monthly womens cycle.

[lisarea]

I think I might be getting a cold, plus I barely slept and my back has been been wonky for three days or something, and someone added a 'steampunk' tag to the AS&S website so you can search for 'steampunk' related items, and my internets are extremely slow and hiccupy today, and I have to do some shit I don't feel like doing, and the weather's really weird today, and I spilled rice all over the kitchen last night and didn't finish cleaning it up, and my new haircut is just stupid, and I can't find this one book I was looking for, and the fitted sheet sproinged like almost halfway off the bed this morning, and I totally need this one download but it failed yesterday so I have to try again today because the shitty site that is hosting the file only lets you try once a day unless you pay or something, and then also a bunch of other dumb stuff is probably going to happen.