WTF smilies you see at other forums

[Legs]

The universe is a powerful force.

[Lady Brik]

Originally Posted by Legs

ETA: Reading her posts, she made me think of those desperate women that fake a pregnancy and steal a baby.

This.

[Sock Puppet]

I used to post on a somewhat normal board that had a Parenting forum, not a crunchy-Earthgoddesses-only board at all, but they just seemed to gravitate there anyway. I had a friend who made a sock account to talk about the Birthing Hut they made out of adobe and sticks, and how they used it to dry their vegetables in the offseason. She made it all as outlandish as possible, and nobody got it. It wasn't until she made some inconsistent posts on other subfora that a vigilant moderator finally caught on. I'll have to get back in touch with her and find out if she's taken the act to MDC.

Often these folks stop going to the doctor because the doctor dares to criticize their approach to -- well, anything. That seemed to be a recurring theme on the board: "I'm not going to anymore Well Baby appointments because that mean doctor made me feel bad about myself."

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

Oh another reason I left...as an adoptive mom, I formula fed. Yes, adoptive breastfeeding is possible with hormone injections and such, but I didn't want to subject myself to any more body chemistry fucking with. Even adoption is not a reasonable excuse for not nursing on that forum though.

So Western medicine is a crock when it comes to vaccination and whatnot, but as long as you're just being injected with massive doses of hormones in order to induce lactation, it's A-OK?

That's just the kind of illogical, hypocritical dogma and selective gullibility that makes me really, really not like hippies. I mean, I'm OK with most of the discrete elements. Some, like self-sufficiency and reducing your impact, are great. Some are silly or even a little dangerous, IMO, but are still within acceptable personal choice territory as far as I'm concerned. The anti-vaccination thing is the only one I can think of off the top of my head that's really beyond the pale.

But the whole smug, dogmatic, personal image based aspect is just weird and creepy. Granted, a lot of my hippy exposure is based on the Boulder trust fund variety, but it seems like a lot of them are as image driven as people who have a lot of purses with designer logos on them or something. And in many ways, they're worse. They're not making choices for themselves. They're adopting some overarching 'lifestyle' that encompasses every aspect of their lives, from what they wear to what they eat to the music they listen to. And I guess if you want to be in their hippy club, you have to do it too.

Fortunately, it's a bad, smelly club. And they don't even have Doritos.

[Legs]

Their crotches smell like Doritos, though

[LadyShea]

So Western medicine is a crock when it comes to vaccination and whatnot, but as long as you're just being injected with massive doses of hormones in order to induce lactation, it's A-OK?

I guess so. One bitch even said if she was placing her child for adoption, she would ONLY choose adoptive parents who planned to breastfeed. Um, like the decision on whether to raise your own child or give it to someone else to raise isn't agonizing or complicated enough? And she knew exactly fuck-all what it could possibly be like to make that decision anyway.

I thought it was an ill-informed and self righteous opinion to express, to say the least.

[Legs]

Sock, that is a great story about the adobe/stick birthing hut.

[Qingdai]

Well it is the home of self righteous ill-informed opinions.

They were castigating some woman for having a c-section because she had a breech baby, in a country where no doctors learn to deliver a breech baby. What were they thinking she could fly to Europe in her last trimester (cause that is going to happen) and deliver where they are trained to deliver breech babies?

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by Legs

Their crotches smell like Doritos, though

I can't think of a good segue here, but I feel compelled to mention that Taco Bell sells pink tacos now.

[Qingdai]

Wholly shit, run for the border indeed.

Electronic Cerebrectomy: Taco Bell Finally Marketed a Pink Taco

[lisarea]

They're awful, too. The 'volcano sauce' or whatever is like some kind of chunky, slightly tangy mayonnaise or something. It would be horrible even if it weren't uncomfortably evocative.

[Qingdai]

Evocative of a cheesy Mexican themed strip bar?
I've never eaten Taco Bell. The pink taco isn't luring me any closer to it either.

[Lady Brik]

Originally Posted by lisarea

They're awful, too. The 'volcano sauce' or whatever is like some kind of chunky, slightly tangy mayonnaise or something. It would be horrible even if it weren't uncomfortably evocative.

Placenta juice?

[Sock Puppet]

Wooly shit! I found it I found it I FOUND IT!

(BTW, "seitan" is some sort of uber-veggie thingamajig. Or so she explained to me.)

Originally Posted by Seitan Stew

My wife and I constructed an adobe birthing hut in the backyard before our child was born. She allowed no one in the hut with her during labor. Only seven hours after her first contractions, she arose from the hut with our beautiful baby, Jasmine. One natural remedy we found for healing vaginal tearing was the daily application of leeches. While this may seem strange, it works! By the way, we still use the hut to keep our potatoes and apples for the winter.

Originally Posted by Clueless Poster A

Wow. Just, wow. That's a great birth story.

Originally Posted by Clueless Poster B

No kidding! I think I remember seeing something about how to construct a birthing hut somewhere recently. Maybe on the DIY channel? Probably not, but I'm curious how you did it.

But--leeches?! Buddy, Im not goin there.

Originally Posted by A co-conspirator

That's truly amazing, i am in awe. Another great way to aid in recovery from childbirth is to consume all or part of the placenta. Some folks cannot tolerate it fresh, and choose to dry it and consume it in tea. I know it sounds quite barbaric, but energy is much higher and the uterus returns almost fully to pre-pregnancy state. I've heard that even some husbands participate in consumption, and claim increased virility and stamina.

Originally Posted by Totally NOT In On It

We had a discussion in our mom's group about comsuming the placenta...and most of us agreed that if we birthed at home and were bleeding too much, we'd totally eat the placenta.

I never even got to see [son's name redacted] placenta. It was fused to my uterus (where the abruption occured), and the doctor had a heck of a time removing it.

Originally Posted by Seitan Stew

Wow, it's incredible to have such a receptive group! When I was doing my fieldwork among the Nacirema, my wife and I had many opportunities to observe local birthing practices. Typically, the woman remains in the family hut until labor pains begin, at which point she is transported, on average, about 10 miles to a "mystical center." Once there, priests administer a number of sacred herbs and elevate her on to an altar for the actual birth. Once born, each child is ritually cleansed and weighed. The priests care for the mother for another day or so, but then she must make her way back to her "hearth community."

There is also a movement there towards incorporating what is believed to be "more culturally authentic" birthing practices. Some of these women remain in their own huts for the births, and several have built birthing huts. Many of these huts are directly attached to the main hut, while some are free-standing. Some households keep a large metallic fetish object in the hut, which is worshipped and cleansed by the oldest male in the family. The birthing hut we created back home is modeled after this last type. It is quite nice to keep it as a constant reminder of our experiences abroad.

Originally Posted by I swear this one wasn't in on it either

Very cool about the birthing hut.

Though we were given the option to keep [daughter]'s placenta, we're renting, and don't have anywhere to bury it. We opted instead to give it to our midwife, who has a placenta garden - she grows tomatoes and basil.

Originally Posted by Co-conspirator

Does she tell her dinner guests?

Originally Posted by Seitan Stew

Our neighbors did that, and they did have a problem with the local animals trying to get to it. Perhaps a layer of chicken wire over the placenta would protect it until it's fully decomposed. They did also perform a home c-section. We weren't quite that brave. They've even started giving us books on home dentistry.

Originally Posted by Co-conspirator

If you read the books all the way through; it's a great way to save money - both out-of-pocket and through insurance premiums. I also noticed that you mentioned leeches. Though they are still considered quite controversial(barbaric, even) I know folks who use them in their home dentistry adventures as well. It should be covered in any of the books you were given.

Originally Posted by Another crunchy non-conspirator

Wow. Is this how other people feel when I tell them I birthed at home?

Home c-section.

Words that really shouldn't go together.

Unless it's extenuating circumstances, like the guy who sawed off his own arm in a survival situation. (also something I'd just as soon have done by a professional.)

Just ... wow.

Dentistry is one of those few occasions when I'd like as many meds as possible. There are medical reasons to avoid drugs during childbirth, and I did have a wisdom tooth pulled w/out anaesh ... anaesth ... ana .... drugs while pregnant, but FUCK. Wouldn't want to do that on a regular basis!

Originally Posted by Seitan Stew

I would agree, but they're originally from an ancient Nacirema clan (that was actually how I got my initial connection to their people), called the Eippih, and that's the way they've been doing things. As an observer, I came to respect their abilities, and even though their birthing practices aren't as hygenically clean, or even as successful as the ones we're more used to, they do work for them. They are planning to get pregnant again, and have invited us to observe the whole process when they do deliver. Should be interesting!

Originally Posted by Seriously, not in on it

A little off topic, but...

A pal of ours did a home birth one winter, and the ground was too frozen to bury the placenta so they put it in the freezer.
A few months later, hubby came home from work to find his visiting mother making liver and onions for dinner! Except there was no liver in the house! He picked the placenta up out of the sink and asked if she thought all livers came with handles.

Originally Posted by Seitan Stew

By the way, something I discovered in the field is that using maggots on wounds is a very effective disenfectant! We keep a crop of them cultivating in their own little protected area in the backyard, and now use them, both on my daughter and on ourselves whenever we get a scrape. My wife was hesitant to use them in order to keep the infection down right after our daughter's birth, but she was quickly converted when she saw how effectively our friends used them on the c-section incision. Read about maggot therapy here!

My troll friends is da bestest.

[Qingdai]

Seitan is a wheat protein thing, tastes like glue.

[Sock Puppet]

I'm sure that's what she told me; it's been awhile. Three years or so.

Bonus points for the Nacirema tribe, and the description of the fetish object. I had completely forgot about that one.

[livius drusus]

Eippih, home c-section, leech-based home dentistry and large metallic fetish ftmotherfuckingw.

[Qingdai]

Home dentistry adventures!
Top that Indiana Jones!

[LadyShea]

No shit. Best troll evah

[Legs]

Sock I am best troll ever, srsly

[Shelli]

Sock...

[Legs]

I love the birth at the mystical centre with the 10 mile hike home

[Watser?]

Originally Posted by Sock Puppet

they're originally from an ancient Nacirema clan (that was actually how I got my initial connection to their people), called the Eippih

LOL

I had totally missed that Nacirema joke until I got to this

[erimir]

You know, I imagined it more as a train full of laughing smileys, but you know, whateva, this is good too.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

Last year a lady swore she was pregnant, based on all kinds of weird shit from the Universe or something, for like 13 months. Can't remember if it was a blog or on that site though.

Oooh, FatFamily! I'll dig up the links.