Mental and Physical Health and Wellness Track, 2022

[Ensign Steve]

Yes, 2022. I'm getting a head start.

Here's some stuff roughly adapted from my new journal:

I'm gonna fucking journal. It's how I know how to get my head straight, and my head is definitely not straight. I feel like it started when Jacob died. I got really depressed, obviously, and just kind of stopped caring about taking care of myself.

That was three years ago, and maybe under normal circumstances, I could have climbed up out of that funk by now, just with time and support and my arsenal of coping techniques.

But then pandemic started. 1.5 years ago we went into lockdown and I had no reason to ever leave the house. So unless I actively went out on purpose to work out, I was looking at approximately 0 steps per day.

And so I did! I went out on the trails and ran. I won't say lockdown was dope because it fucking sucked, but at least I had all the time in the world to run if I wanted to.

Then the fires came. Maybe 2-3 months into lockdown I stopped running. There was too much smoke in the air. I couldn't fucking breathe. These are not excuses, these are facts. I don't have anything to be excused for anyway.

So now it's been more than a year that I have been at home, sedentary and depressed. Eating like crap. Drinking tons of liquor. I have gained nearly 100 pounds, and I really need to take care of this.

Maybe I'm vain, but vanity is not entirely what is at issue here. Let me count the non-vanity reasons why it is not okay for me to be heavier than I have ever been in my life (including when I was 9 months pregnant):

* Almost none of my clothes fit. I can (and do) buy bigger clothes, but it is hard to shop at this size.
* I get winded walking up one flight of stairs.
* I can't trim my own toenails.
* I am super uncomfortable on an airplane, in stadium seats, even the shuttle.
* I have a hard time wiping my ass.
* I have heartburn all the time.
* I want to run but I'm worried about my knees.

So what am I doing about it? Shit that I know works for me. I'm going to journal. What I eat, water intake, exercise, how I feel. I'm not going to focus on my size or weight, just on my habits and choices. The results will come. (Obesity isn't the disease, it's a side-effect of the depression.) I'm going to quit drinking and avoid processed sugar. I'm going to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Other stuff, maybe. I'll get to that in the future.