Coming out

[beyelzu]

Not to be vulgar, but I feel that I have always presented as being cis gendered and fairly strict heterosexuality. I have come to realize that this is not the case. If you follow my new pinterest, it is pretty obvious.

I have been engaging in crossdressing and enjoying it, I now consider myself bisexual and not cis gendered. I often feel like a large agressive woman, like Brienne only, perhaps, luckily to born a man. Because large is more acceptable for a male. I don't have a problem with my body, which is odd because as I child I was ashamed of my manboobs, but now I'm happy with them. (Well I wouldn't mind if they were perkier, and I would like to be more fit and drop some more mass, but I don't lament their existence.)

So Yeah.


Its a little weird, I went from being an ally to being quite queer in my own way and its just odd. I realized during a conversation with ES that I was part of LGTB in a direct way as opposed to secondary.

I remember being for gay rights when I was in high school and asked if I was gay. I said, no of course, but why would that matter? I don't have to be black to be for civil rights**

I wish I had realized then what I know now and could have said, "Im queer as fuck, so?"

Or at least thought it.

I told my mom once that I thought it would be the coolest thing to be a lesbian, not in the, I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body stupid fucking joke. She didn't know what to say to that. I put it away, I didn't think about it but yeah, from a young age I liked feminine clothes.


So, I think I was born pretty feminine, soft and sensitive (note I do not think that they are necessarily opposite or anything) and a boy. I learned to hide my tears when I cried* (and I can be quite emotional) and to deny my feelings very existence. I learned that if you punch someone they don't talk shit, that willingness to inflict damage gets people to leave you alone. It left me pretty twisted. At times, I am casually cruel and I have problems talking about my emotions.

I still feel like a man but that is not the total of my experience.

If I had to pick a word maybe shemale but it seems used primarily for porn categories, however it does sum up pretty nicely.




Thank you, ES, it is our love that makes it possible to be secure enough to face it for myself and to share it with you, and then here. Thank you, also, for loving me just as I am.

I have always tried to be honest with FF, so this is me coming out. It could have been left unspoken, but I had presented myself as I now know I am not.

*I remember seeing Ol Yeller countless times as school, it seemed to be every year and crying each time.
**This is not a wining argument where I grew up in rural GA. Just a confusing one to my peers.

[Demimonde]

I am happy for you and very proud!

[curses]

Good for you, bey!

Plus EVERYONE cried at Ol Yeller. I swear you aren't human if that didn't spark emotion.

[Vivisectus]

Congratz Beyelzu!

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

[livius drusus]

Well done, bey, and props to both of you for having the kind of relationship that makes you the most you you can be.

[Qingdai]

You will always be an enormous penis to me! I expect some decent cosplay from you now.
But sincerely, I'm glad that you can be youself.
Although cosplay as a giant penis would be funny, not going to Google that!

[Gonzo]

Happy for you, bey.

I totally understand the need to be open about it. Feels much better, eh?

[lisarea]

BORING.

I have known about this since last night when I saw on Pinterest.

But really, I am so happy for you, bey.

You and Steve are so good together it's ridiculous. You seem to bring out the best in each other in a lot of ways.

[Kyuss Apollo]

Originally Posted by curses

Good for you, bey!

Plus EVERYONE cried at Ol Yeller. I swear you aren't human if that didn't spark emotion.

And Pollyanna--her too!

And happy for your self-discovery, Bey. And ES for being totally ES.

[Ensign Steve]

You know, when I married a straight white male I felt like a total sellout. This is like Christmas and birthday rolled into one.

[Gonzo]

So. bey isn't white, either? Guys, one thing at a time, please.

[beyelzu]

Well, there is some cherokee on my daddy's side, allegedly thats old code for black.

[Ensign Steve]

I don't know why everybody sees a penis in your avatar. That is so obviously an alien spaceship. One track minds on people, honestly.

[beyelzu]

Thank you, everyone. I really do appreciate it.

Liv, I know how lucky we both really are to have each other.



Gonzo,

For me it was a long way to self acceptance, because I felt loved and accepted throughout, I was able to continue. As the process continued, I felt better and better about myself. So this is a culmination or a crescendo. It is absolutely awesome.


ES,

You are welcome for the awesome surprise, do not think I'll be able to top it next year.

[beyelzu]

Originally Posted by lisarea

BORING.

I have known about this since last night when I saw on Pinterest.

But really, I am so happy for you, bey.

You and Steve are so good together it's ridiculous. You seem to bring out the best in each other in a lot of ways.

Yknow, I thought about it when I was following people on ES's board and thought what the hell, then I thought I should just make a thread and get it done.

We absolutely do bring out the best in each other, between us we are 1 highly functioning human being.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by beyelzu

*I remember seeing Ol Yeller countless times as school, it seemed to be every year and crying each time.

That's pretty gay.

*cries too*

Bey, dude, the biggest difference between you and I besides our age is I don't care much for crossdressing for myself. I don't mind it on other guys though. So, what does that make me, a heterosexual trapped in a gay man's body? Wait, that sounds kinky. Nevermind.

[Stormlight]

I don't have much to add other than that I'm very happy for you, bey.

Also, you made me google Old Yeller. Nope, doesn't ring a bell. Never seen it.

[beyelzu]

That is so sad, did you like learn in school instead of watching disney movies?

[Stormlight]

Oh, I watched Disney movies but I've never heard about Old Yeller. I asked around a little and nobody knows the movie.

Also, I did not learn in school!

[Ensign Steve]

When my class did Old Yeller (the book, not the Disney movie, we read books in my school, unlike in rural GA) my group presented the part with the wild boar attack (srsly, Stormy, you need to read this shit, it's totally relatable) and it's pretty graphic and I passed out in front of the whole class. It was awesome.

[Stormlight]

Originally Posted by Ensign Steve

the part with the wild boar attack

[Watser?]

Yeah, I heard a lot of references to it in US movies/tv, but never saw that movie either and I doubt anyone I know has.

[Qingdai]

I, also, have never seen Old Yeller nor read the book.

[Janet]

Me, either. However, if you want a movie that reliably makes men cry, I would go with Iron Giant.