I'm bored and looking for some more Poor Me stories to read?

[mYsTeRyWeB]

Most of the "Poor Me" stories in forums typically contain themes like these:

You were abducted by aliens and now your life-long ambition is to find others like You . . .
You joined forums seeking friendship but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell you to ____ off . . .
You tried religion but when God didn't give you a giant penis, you knew there was no such things as gods . . .
You finally found a forum where people use profanity just like you but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too . . .
You're a so-called Christian but even people in so-called Christian forums tell You to ____ off too . . .
You've posted over 10,000 threads in a forum because you don't have a life but you're one of the moderators so no one can tell You to ____ off too without getting banned . . .
You want to share your profound wisdom about politics, life, philosophy, sports etc. but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell you to ____ off . . .
You're bummed out because every time you post an Introduction in a forum, Forumsters call you a liar and/or a troll . . .
You think you were abducted by aliens and they gave you a mission to join forums, then display a demonic pic on your profile to pretend you're tough and evil and then show as many people as possible in the forum how clever you are that you also know how to swear but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too . . .
You're an atheist and you can't understand why almost everyone you talk to in real life could care less about athiests so you joined/started a forum hoping to find others just like You . . .
You thought these "Poor Me themes" were hysterically funny and typically true for most forum-dwellers and you want to post your agreement but you're too afraid it might get you banned and you won't risk sending a PM either for the same reason . . .
Because You are female, you thought people in forums would appreciate a feminine point of view but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too . . .
You're narcissistic forum owners that ask people to send you a real email message after they register to join your forum; explaining why they 'really' want to join your forum in order to double-confirm their sincerity even though you 'really' know they'll just lie to you with a BS email message to get in your dumb forum anyway and you can't understand why it's an exercise in futility but you enjoy banning "those types" even more cuz you're a moron but 'really' you wish people liked you . . .
You're a pervert but hiding in a forum let's you pretend you're normal until Forumsters tell You to ____ off too . . .
You always report topics that you don't understand or that offend you because you're a naïve judgmental hypocrite but 'really' you wish people liked you . . .
You have low self esteem and want to find someone in a forum to whine about life with but because most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too, you're now even more depressed . . .
You hoped to find a girlfriend by joining a forum but when you PM members whom you think are female, they just tell You to ____ off too . . .
You are so frustrated with “not knowing” (ignoramus), you have become hatefully psychotic doing things like hanging out in so-called and otherwise disguised atheist forums with your anonymous cyber-pals who are just as delusional or worse or just haven’t grown up yet and who also hate You while you obliviously act out as they do, displaying cartoonish demonic avatars on your profile pretending you’re also tough and evil and proud to show as many people as possible in the forum how disrespectful you are as well and demonstrate that You also know how to utter profane language as juveniles do . . .

If you have more interesting stories than "those" I'd like to see them and I won't tell you to ____ off either. Thanks.

[Leesifer]

You've posted over 10,000 threads in a forum because you don't have a life but you're one of the moderators so no one can tell You to ____ off too without getting banned . . .

This is my story for this forum.

You're narcissistic forum owners that ask people to send you a real email message after they register to join your forum; explaining why they 'really' want to join your forum in order to double-confirm their sincerity even though you 'really' know they'll just lie to you with a BS email message to get in your dumb forum anyway and you can't understand why it's an exercise in futility but you enjoy banning "those types" even more cuz you're a moron but 'really' you wish people liked you . .

This is totally true about this forum's owners.

Am I playing the game correctly?

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by mYsTeRyWeB

You were abducted by aliens and now your life-long ambition is to find others like You . . .
You joined forums seeking friendship but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell you to ____ off . . .
You tried religion but when God didn't give you a giant penis, you knew there was no such things as gods . . .
You finally found a forum where people use profanity just like you but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too . . .
You're a so-called Christian but even people in so-called Christian forums tell You to ____ off too . . .
You've posted over 10,000 threads in a forum because you don't have a life but you're one of the moderators so no one can tell You to ____ off too without getting banned . . .
You want to share your profound wisdom about politics, life, philosophy, sports etc. but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell you to ____ off . . .
You're bummed out because every time you post an Introduction in a forum, Forumsters call you a liar and/or a troll . . .
You think you were abducted by aliens and they gave you a mission to join forums, then display a demonic pic on your profile to pretend you're tough and evil and then show as many people as possible in the forum how clever you are that you also know how to swear but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too . . .
You're an atheist and you can't understand why almost everyone you talk to in real life could care less about athiests so you joined/started a forum hoping to find others just like You . . .
You thought these "Poor Me themes" were hysterically funny and typically true for most forum-dwellers and you want to post your agreement but you're too afraid it might get you banned and you won't risk sending a PM either for the same reason . . .
Because You are female, you thought people in forums would appreciate a feminine point of view but you can't understand why most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too . . .
You're narcissistic forum owners that ask people to send you a real email message after they register to join your forum; explaining why they 'really' want to join your forum in order to double-confirm their sincerity even though you 'really' know they'll just lie to you with a BS email message to get in your dumb forum anyway and you can't understand why it's an exercise in futility but you enjoy banning "those types" even more cuz you're a moron but 'really' you wish people liked you . . .
You're a pervert but hiding in a forum let's you pretend you're normal until Forumsters tell You to ____ off too . . .
You always report topics that you don't understand or that offend you because you're a naïve judgmental hypocrite but 'really' you wish people liked you . . .
You have low self esteem and want to find someone in a forum to whine about life with but because most Forumsters just tell You to ____ off too, you're now even more depressed . . .
You hoped to find a girlfriend by joining a forum but when you PM members whom you think are female, they just tell You to ____ off too . . .

Insightful, hilarious, and so fresh!

[ChuckF]

We've been overdue for a damaged newb since whatshername left. The one with 8 kids and the Plato thing.

[Leesifer]

n00b

[Sock Puppet]

You might be interested to learn that profanity is not against the rules of this forum.

I don't have a Poor Me story that matches any of your examples, but allow me to help you create one for yourself.

To wit, Hey mYsTeRyWeB! Fuck off.

[Gonzo]

The hypotheticals! They burn!

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

Long-ass, pointless posts apparently x-posted to other fora.. coberst? Is that you?

[mYsTeRyWeB]

Originally Posted by Sock Puppet

Fuck off.

Yes Your poor me "example" is on there; it's the last one. Go look again.
List.
Next?

[Sock Puppet]

Oh, I was supposed to read all the way to the end? Sorry, I'm too psychotic and juvenile for that. Plus you're, you know, an idiot.

[mYsTeRyWeB]

Originally Posted by Gonzo

Gonzo

to be sure

List.
Next?

[BrotherMan]

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

[Watser?]

I would like to subscribe to your list please.

[mYsTeRyWeB]

Originally Posted by Cynical-Chick

pointless

Congrats, your illiterate drivel has garnered you the honor of making an ignore list. Also rhetorically, is joining forums in order to expose yourself as a hate monger, the most constructive thing you can think of doing and aspiring to in life? Any other juveniles that want to be added to the list, please chime in ASAP so I can sort “you” out too. Thanks.

[lisarea]

Hi, everybody!

[Crumb]

[Kael]

Originally Posted by lisarea

Hi, everybody!

List.

[Adam]

Is this thrad another trap, like the other one? I don't want to accidentally participate in a thrad and then later find out that it was p. much just a giant Ponzi scheme.

[mYsTeRyWeB]

Originally Posted by lisarea

Hi

Sorry, has to be true and in the form of a "story". Maybe try again later and after you figure out whether you're male or female?

[wei yau]

Originally Posted by Adam

Ith thith thrad another trap, like the other one? I don't want to acthidentally partithipate in a thrad and then later find out that it wath p. much jutht a giant Ponzi thcheme.

Lisp.

[lisarea]

That WAS true.

List.

[mYsTeRyWeB]

ditto

Next?

[ChuckF]

[mYsTeRyWeB]

Originally Posted by wei yau

Lisp.

List.
Next?

[mYsTeRyWeB]

Originally Posted by lisarea

That

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Wrong

Next?