Already stressing about the Holidays

LadyShea · #1 09-09-2008, 11:23 PM

First, yes I am probably being selfish. Second, yes I am anti-social when it involves obligatory rather than voluntary together-time. Third, I love the holidays..I am not a Scrooge.

So, basically I grew up with small, quiet family holidays. I remember maybe 2 or 3 Thanksgivings and/or Easters at Grandmas with all the cousins and such, but my mom kept it to a bare minimum and we never, ever had Christmas with the relatives. I remember spending one Christmas in a cabin at Big Bear as my mom's "fuck you" answer to the family pressure (probably my 'Fuck You, Grandma' Grandma but I don't remember).

Anyway, Hubby and I moved away from the families like the first year we were married, and spent over a decade doing what we wanted. We got a hotel on Mt. Charleston for Christmas 2 years in a row, ate T-Giving dinner at Casinos, and at Disneyland one year, invited friends over sometimes...in general very relaxed and pleasant.

Now we live near family, and have a child and that child has bio relatives that want to see him, and my in-laws are here and I can't be myself around them, nobody except my Mom (thank Dawg she understands me) ever wants to adhere to my idea of "no store bought/new gifts", and Kiddo's b-day is Jan 2nd and I feel like it's the same party and people we see 5 times a year for all the other kids birthdays. I haven't fully enjoyed the holidays the last two years, which should have been Magic with Kiddo

Other than my initial idea, which is to run away somewhere for Thanksgiving and Kiddo's b-day, what else can I do to get out of the stress rut? Guess I should just put my foot down and do what I want, huh?

biochemgirl · #2 09-09-2008, 11:35 PM

Yup, I'd go with the putting your foot down. Or you can limit the time you spend with the family to a certain day or certain time period only.

Hubby and I have had the similar issue in the past of both our families wanting us there for holidays. We made ourselves so crazy trying to accommodate both that we finally put our foot down and told them we would alternate holidays. And last year we told them it was just going to be us for Christmas. My family was actually pretty understanding but the inlaws were none too pleased. Oh well. You have to do what makes you happy. A certain amount of accommodation to family is understandable but it doesn't need to be taken so far that it sucks all the enjoyment out of the holidays in the process.

Dingfod · #3 09-09-2008, 11:55 PM

I'm stressing too, but for other important dates not nearly as far away. I'm having to live very frugally right now due to agreements I have with my creditors. Right now I have about $3 to last me until payday this Friday, a paycheck which is going to be the shortest paycheck I've gotten in years due to taking the time off last month to not go to San Diego. Thursday is inland wave's and my 32nd wedding anniversary. I have no money for a gift or for us to go out. Our grandson's birthday is the 22nd and dingfoddottir2's birthday is the 29th. Before either of those, on Sunday the 21st we have to go to my wife's family reunion in Crockett, Texas, which will take about $200 just for gasoline. I don't even want to think about the holidays.

Legs · #4 09-10-2008, 12:11 AM

ouch, Walter :sadcheer:

LadyShea, get a hold of yourself - stop living for other people, do what YOU want to do this Christmas/Thanksgiving. What are they going to do, disown you? Seriously you need to stop stressing and start making plans for your own enjoyment. Get together with the others on Groundshog day or something.

LadyShea · #5 09-10-2008, 12:22 AM

Quote:

get a hold of yourself

I cannot stop laughing at this. Nobody has ever told me that before...seriously. And it's what I needed.

Legs · #6 09-10-2008, 12:33 AM

I'm serious, you have this sweet little boy and you need to start making your own family holiday memories. Don't become a slave to what everyone else wants you to do this season. It doesn't mean you don't love them or respect them, you will see them - make a date, make it special, but it doesn't have to be right on the particular holiday.

Enjoy your little guy while he is young, don't let this opportunity get sucked away by guilt and stress. :closehug:

Legs · #7 09-10-2008, 12:35 AM

Oh and get it over with now. Make the first move, tell everyone what YOU are doing, ask what would be good for them at another time - set it up.

Strike first and fluster them, they won't know what hit them and then you can relax :pleased:

LadyShea · #8 09-10-2008, 02:12 AM

Well, part is decided. We're going to Disney World for Kiddo's b-day. Mom is paying out of the little bit of cash Grandpa left her.

Now to tackle Thanksgiving.

Ensign Steve · #9 09-10-2008, 02:22 AM

Run away. Mom and I have done it lots of years, and it's awesome.

Legs · #10 09-10-2008, 03:07 AM

Celebrate the Canadian thanksgiving with them (October 13th) and keep the US of A one for your own little Pilgrims. :nod:

JoeP · #11 09-10-2008, 07:45 AM

I give thanks that we don't have thanksgiving here.

wildernesse · #12 09-10-2008, 03:44 PM

I love, love, love family holidays, and I grew up seeing both extended sides of the family for Thanksgiving and Christmas (and Easter and every Sunday for one side and a week or two in the summer for the other).
Love it. RA's family never did the extended thing--it was just them.

Last year, when we moved farther away, we decided to do Thanksgiving on our own. Very nice. But we did ALL Christmases--FIVE of them in a week. We basically had Christmas for the two of us a week early, which was a little silly because our birthdays are both between Thanksgiving and Christmas. And that was not very nice. We are NOT doing that again this year, but we haven't figured out what to do yet.

I think we've got it down to four, right now. yay?