New And Improved Rant Thread, now with 50% more profanity!

[Jerome]

Originally Posted by lisarea

The goal was basically to have a bike the Flintstones might have had, so a one speed would have been way too fancy.

here is some shit i almost can rant about.

riding with no air in the tires is ...

so no bike


My eant is what the fucking fuckm are you even attemtopijgn to rant about you sttpid fucking whore piss ant cum drip[ping inpudent fag

[Kyuss Apollo]

Hey there, neighbor across the way, at 11:55 PM on goddamn Sunday night...

GATHER YOUR OBNOXIOUS SCREAMING SPAWN FROM THE STREET AND SHUT THEM THE FUCK UP ALREADY

[Adam]

So, um, I guess we're getting a dog tonight. That is not the rant. We've been talking about getting a dog anyway, and this one was raised with two cats so we're good there.

This is the rant. Well, part of it. The reason we are getting this dog is that a friend's aunt, who has had this dog (~7 years old) since she was a puppy, runs a daycare center out of her home. Recently, several potential customers have declined to enroll their children with her, citing a concern that having a large dog (shepherd mix) around would be dangerous for their children.

Now, I suppose it's possible that these children have specific dog-related allergies or phobias or something, and legitimately should not be around a dog, but I don't think so, because the aunt also has a smaller dog, and the parents are apparently fine with that one. There have been no incidents or aggression on the part of this dog, who has grown up in a daycare and is quite used to children. So, rant part one is this: Fuck you, you fucking overprotective nervous parents.

The second part of the rant is as follows. We sort of snapped this dog up on short notice because, apparently, if they were unable to find a home for her soon, they were going to put her down. FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! I don't understand how people who have a pet can ever willingly kill that pet for any reason other than ending the pet's own unavoidable suffering. Jesus fucking H. That's your fucking dog. You don't fucking kill it because it's become inconvenient.

Finally, my new dog has the same name as LadyShea so HAHA SHAY YOU ARE NAMED AFTER A DOG NOW!

[Ensign Steve]

That's cool, because if she becomes too annoying you can have LadyShea put down.

[Qingdai]

In defense of the parents, plenty of well trusted family dogs have mauled and killed toddlers. There were two cases in Oregon this last year. Kids run, so kids can equal prey. I'm also trying to teach my kid not to run away from other kids, because he hates being chased.

On a related note, fuck you unleashed dog walker, if I am telling my kid to be careful and not run around your unknown uncontrolled dog, it's not your business to tell my child it's OK. Thanks for under-minding my directions. Would your dog like a chocolate cookie?

[Sock Puppet]

Look, boss, sweetheart, I know the process we inherited isn't optimal. I know it needs to be changed. There are various ways to go about it that would probably work. But you know what probably WON'T work? Asking me the same fucking question over and over about that one aspect of the process that bugs you. Complain about it, change it, have a meeting about it, whatever the fuck you want to do. But stop asking me the same fucking question as if THIS time I'm going to tell you the process is different from the other six times I answered the question. Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu----

[JoeP]

All you need to say to your boss, Sock, is

show spoiler

Clear your cache and delete your cookies.

[freemonkey]

Listen, old man, I know you are not that feeble-minded and you are not a fucking victim. I'm done. You're gonna have to pay people to do this shit for you, instead of giving your money to con-men in the hopes that you, too, will make money off the gullibility of others. I'm also not aiding and abetting in your other schemes... you know what I talking about. How the fuck did you manage before I came along? Yeah, do more of that.

....... AND .......

husband's ex girlfriend from like a thousand years ago: Completely inappropriate! STFU. He's never going to be with you, you are not in high school anymore, you are not a rock star, he's sweet like that to most everyone, he doesn't like your tattoo, so cover up.

Except you are right about one thing: I totally am a fucking Amazon.

[curses]

The joys of having a job again..why do I keep getting blamed that something is getting unplugged from the computer on nights that I'm not even here? Really?

[Ymir's blood]

You've got a shifty look about you. Like how the cops always pick you for the bodies in the water.

[Angakuk]

You are new.

You are low person on the totem pole (which, in totem pole iconology, is actually the position of greatest honor, but never mind that).

Somebody needs to be blamed, there was a vote, you won/lost.

[Pyrrho]

Dear Account Team,

Sending the PDF to the client for yet another approval after you signed and approved the printer's proof and the printer had already finished the entire job was an inspired business tactic worthy of a feature lead in the Wall Street Journal.

Yes, we will have to pay for the second print run of 25,000. No, the printer is not printing just the sentence the client wanted changed. Search and replace does not work on 4-color process, die-cut, folded brochures.

Just relax.

Thanks.

[Janet]

A pleasant start to the day is not defined as learning on the drive in that the fucktard Governor wants to repeal the only law that provides taxes to schools, municipalities and libraries from businesses and has no plan for replacing the funding from elsewhere. I didn't think I could hate a governor more than John Engler, but Schneider has made it possible, bastard that he is.

And then, being greeted the minute I walk in the door with the news that my water bill will go up 50% next month, did not fucking help. So now on top of the 5% pay cut I had to take and the extra 3% that the state is taking for a "health care trust fund" that they don't guarantee will exist and the courts told them is illegal but they are taking anyway, my utility bills are going up another 50% after already going up nearly that much since I bought the house 6 years ago.

Fuck this fucking economy and fuck all the rich people who aren't hurting. And especially fuck my libertarian brother who told me that the recession was actually good for me because costs were down while my income was the same. Stupid, ignorant rose-colored glasses BASTARD! Why do I have to be related to you?

[Pyrrho]

A special THANK YOU to our bosses for hiring those energetic, fast-talking, high-strung go-getters who have no conception of how much time it takes to do anything. That stack of project folders with same-day return stamped on them is made all the more cheerful by the "What is the status of my project?" phone calls I get an hour after the folders are dropped off, and the "May I come down to pick up my project now," phone calls I get an hour after that are even more entertaining. The work isn't getting done any faster but your new up-and-comers are doing a splendid job making themselves appear to be driving productivity to new heights.

The second- and third-guessing is also a treat. I'll sharpen the corners on those rectangles by EOD before COB before you can say ASAP.

[Kyuss Apollo]

Fake butter, you know you don't taste as good as real butter on my fake lobster. So just stop.

[Dingfod]

The quality of rants in this thread has diminished significantly.

[curses]

GODDAMMIT DING WTF?!?! FUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKINGSHIT!


Better?

[Gonzo]

[Pyrrho]

Few things brighten the morning like an old cat practicing projectile vomit, except maybe actually stepping in it.

[curses]

That sounds like mornings in the curses household.

[Pyrrho]

Damn, I left out the

While I'm here....

NO, I do NOT need you to sit with me and talk me through the changes you want made to the Flash project. NO, it will NOT "Help me to understand how to code it." YOU confuse CODING with COUGH SYRUP.

NO, I do NOT want your damn cell phone number in case I "...have problems understanding the directions." YOU think POWERPOINT SLIDES are an "Interactive app."

[Kyuss Apollo]

Originally Posted by Pyrrho

Few things brighten the morning like an old cat practicing projectile vomit, except maybe actually stepping in it.

And almost as good as the MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKER DOG GETTING SPRAYED BY A SKUNK AT MOTHERFUCKING 4 AM MOTHERFUCKER

[Pyrrho]

Made a complete fool out of myself today.

One of these days I'll get my mind right.

[Doctor X]

Originally Posted by Pyrrho

Made a complete fool out of myself today.

In an effort to bring Freshness, Lite, and Sparkles, I did not post the "this is news?" as expected.

--J. "A RIVER to My People!" D.

[Ensign Steve]

I understand space is limited, so I can get over the fact that you decided to lay down and take a nap in my overly-large personal bubble. But I can hear your snoring over my iPod and your breath smells like you had a dirty diaper for lunch. I'm trying to fucking eat here. If you keep it up, I'm going to start flicking boogers in your mouth, whoever the fuck you are.

Seriously, what kind of sociopath is comfortable enough to just do that in a room full of strangers?