New And Improved Rant Thread, now with 50% more profanity!

[Watser?]

That's some fucked up shit!

[Shelli]

Yeah, and it was bad enough already that it was dog shit collecting night. Goddamn fucked up shit fucking up my shit!

So, I went back inside, poured a gin and tonic, went back out in the backyard and commenced my shit collecting while the shit heads in the neighborhood played target practice with each other.

The news said that only one guy is reported to be hurt. He got shot in the arm. With the way they hold their guns, he probably shot himself. Too bad he didn't hit something vital.

I propose that our some of our tax dollars go toward weapons training for the cockroaches on the condition that once they've passed the course, they line up across from each other and get 'er done. It'd be a better use of our tax money than a lot of the crap they spend it on.

[Dingfod]

Line 'em up like a Civil War reenactment, give 'em muskets, Colt revolvers, and a sword and let them settle the turf war once and for all.

[Caligulette]

O 4 EFF!!!!
Who the fruck puts aspartame in yoghurt? Yoplait, that's who! Fucking swelling fucking tongue and fucking headache! It's fucking pineapple - how fucking sweet does it fucking have to be - to say nothing of the asinine consistency which brings to mind nothing so much as Gerber's peach puree circa 1977.

[Ymir's blood]

[Ensign Steve]

Dude, Yoplait sucks. Also, I thought they sweetened with HFCS? Do they put both, because, yeah, how fucking sweet do they really need it? And that custard texture? No thanks!

[Leesifer]

For fuck's sake, it took me a while to find this thread because my head is so fucking full of cunting snot that I missed it on my first bollocking search.

So, I can hardly fucking breathe - I have become a twatting mouth breather for fuck's sake - because I have so much fucking snot in my head.

[Watser?]

[freemonkey]

Originally Posted by some faker twat

But the way you would paint X is different than the way anyone else would, so it really is original!

PLATITUDES to help me deal with my creative angst??!! Really? Fuck you.

Oh, and BTW, taking a workshop and then (badly) copying art you like from books and websites so you can hang it in your rec room and say "I did that"? That. Is. NOT. Art. Fuck you and fuck your friends. Hint: help that artist instead of stealing from him/her.

And fuck the teacher for allowing it.


Yeah. Fuck you all.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by Leesifer

For fuck's sake, it took me a while to find this thread because my head is so fucking full of cunting snot that I missed it on my first bollocking search.

So, I can hardly fucking breathe - I have become a twatting mouth breather for fuck's sake - because I have so much fucking snot in my head.

It's either volcanic ash or you need to lay off the Spanish facials.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally Posted by Caligulette

O 4 EFF!!!!
Who the fruck puts aspartame in yoghurt? Yoplait, that's who! Fucking swelling fucking tongue and fucking headache! It's fucking pineapple - how fucking sweet does it fucking have to be - to say nothing of the asinine consistency which brings to mind nothing so much as Gerber's peach puree circa 1977.

Yoplait? Grrrrrlll...Yur naat dewen dat rite.

- Fruit of your sumbitchin' choice, in fukkin' small bits,
- Three to four huge fukkin heaping tablespoons of Nancy's damned Plain yoghurt,
- A couple handfuls of Bob's hotshit granola of your choice
- A drizzle of Lifeway kefir in the dognamed fruit flavor of your choice for a little 'cane zip'.

(Lately, it's been sliced bananas, honey almond granola, and blueberry or strawberry kefir....mmmmmm-mmmm.)

Stir it up and it's better than any of that bullshit that Yo'plate puts out.

Dog dammit, grrrrrlll, dew id rite!

Control that too-sweet bitch. Kick that Yo-Ho to the curb!

[Caligulette]

Yoplait was on sale and the boy likes yoghurt. I forgot it was not yoghurt. YOUR way sounds very complex, but I am switching back to Tillamook.

[Caligulette]

Tired and jumpy. How is that fair?

Effing eff from effville.

[lisarea]

So today, I'm walking ZZ down this tiny little sidestreet, and a couple of dogs come barreling up out of nowhere against a four foot fence, snarling and growling and freaking her out, so we cross the street to get away from them and I'm calming her down (she was kind of jangled by it and was walking really fast trying to get far away), and some SUV pulls up right next to us and this little fuck is going "OOOH NICE ASS" and I turn around and it's two kids who looked barely old enough to drive. They're up on me to the point that I could have smacked their fat little faces, just sort of lingering there trying to intimidate me for some reason. And I want to wish someone would do that kind of thing to their moms, but I don't really want that. I just want them to know that they're stupid, worthless little pieces of shit.

I hope I made the right face to convey that information.

Also, our new next door neighbor was trying the other day to make me go to some nightmarish sounding chamber of commerce networking thing tonight, and wouldn't take no for an answer even after I said it about 50 times, so I just changed the subject. And now I am worried she's going to come back and still try to make me go. I know she means well, but seriously, there's about a 100% chance that I'd be completely miserable, and about a 0% chance it'd be any use to me at all. Plus it always makes me mad when people argue with me after I tell them no.

People. They need to just stop it.

[livius drusus]

Maybe if you weren't so petite...

[inland wave]

Get me the fuck out of here!!!!!! I need to chill!

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Maybe if you weren't so petite...

You are.

[BrotherMan]

Stupid kids. Are they stupid? Did they not see that you were armed and dangerous? I mean, besides from your lethal wit, which, duh, isn't visible at all.

[Demimonde]

I'm walking to my car and a truck pulls up beside me. I hear a good ol' boy drawl out, " Ma'am, excuse me, ma'am?". I figure such a polite overture must be some boy needing directions, so I turn to look at him. It's a young guy, fresh out of bumfuck just off the ranch wearing a non-ironic John Deere Gimmie cap.

He spreads his lips in a Copenhagen stained grimace and yells, "I sure LOVE yer BOO-TEE! I love it!". Then he laughed and sped off.

Fucking lame ass chickenshit natsy podunk peckerhead. Who the fuck let you off the ranch to be among civilized people? Get the fuck back to Tyler and your goat-raping inbred kin folk.

I was so pissed, to start all polite like that and then turn ugly. Worst thing was I made eyecontact. That alone was enough to make me want a shower.

[Dingfod]

To be fair, yours and lisarea's booties are probably bootyful.

[Ymir's blood]

[Shake]

Alright, if you're going to own a sports car, please don't drive like a fucking pussy. Also, if you think the highway is the best way to go, learn how to fucking enter the highway. You can't get on doing 20+ mph slower than the traffic out there already. That's what the fucking acceleration lanes are for. Get the fuck up to speed and then merge. Damnit!

[Caligulette]

No one has leaned out of a car and "complimented" my ass. WTF? Am I going to have to dress in a more slatternly manner or just what is with these damned fricken kids around here? Too hip to notice MY hips? Fuck you all!

[Ymir's blood]

It's probably the furry hat.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by Caligulette

No one has leaned out of a car and "complimented" my ass. WTF? Am I going to have to dress in a more slatternly manner or just what is with these damned fricken kids around here? Too hip to notice MY hips? Fuck you all!

Shake it like a Polaroid picture.