New And Improved Rant Thread, now with 50% more profanity!

[Ymir's blood]

Cleaning up the leaves in the front yard would be easy to do if done before they get really deep. Of course that's not really possible when it's supposed to rain all day and I'm working tomorrow.

[Leesifer]

Fuck you fucking fucker who created the conficker virus. I fucking hate your guts and hope your dick falls off or your vagina rots.

I've had to work until silly o'clock Friday night/Saturday morning and then had to work most of the fucking weekend to help try and get rid of this cunting malware. We are still getting the odd alert.

I was supposed to meet Miisa yesterday but had to cancel that. Why? Because of the buggering shitstained twerp who created conficker.

[livius drusus]

The llama army will make him pay.

[Adam]

I'd like to send a big thank you to the dude who stomped on my big toe during my soccer game today, and a very special belated thank you to the dude who stomped on it a few months ago, starting the crack that today's stomp extended. The upper half of the nail is hanging on by, like, the last 5% of its width. I am not looking forward to playing without a toenail. I wonder if I can brush some epoxy or something onto it to hold it together...

ETA: All the freaking suggestions I find online are for toenails that have cracked due to fungus or something. I DO NOT HAVE A FUNGUS, MR. INTERNET SUGGESTION PERSON, I HAVE A STOMPING! TWO OF THEM!

[Demimonde]

Ouch! When I get a nasty break that rips half a finger nail off, I douse the sucker in alcohol, and then just grab my little Krazyglue pen and glue the sucker down. A coat of polish covers and protects the seam, so it can't get hung on anything. That way, it is covered until it can grow out. It still hurts like hell for a few days until the inflamation goes down but that is what asprin is for.

It has never gotten infected or anything, for me anyway. Of course I have a wicked immune system and I've never used this for a toenail.

[vremya]

Will you guys either call me back for a second interview or let me know I'm done, so I can stop fretting about how well/badly I did? (And BTW, I really want the fucking job!!!!!!!)

[Sock Puppet]

Jesus fucking christ. Fucking overpaid, bootlicking bint who "champions" the "Loss Prevention" flavor-of-the-month horseshit is haranguing me about this stupid fucking process outline.

The goddamned thing hasn't changed in the intervening MONTHS as far as I know, but as soon as I send out my version the stupid twat is going to say "But what about the input you got from Dumbass, Asshole and Uninformed Shithead? Aren't you going to incorporate their stupid concerns?"

And NO, I'm not doing a separate one for the other fucking process, you beancounter BITCH. There was enough whining about how to implement this one. The other process is the same one we've been using for years, and I can't wait to hear the screeching about how they can't do what we've been doing, successfully, for a fucking decade.

[Zehava]

Originally Posted by User

Messages are 8-minutes out sync btween PC and BlackBerry device

Yeah I'll get to you buddy right after the other user who complains that his BlackBerry is not working right but can't tell me what is not working right.

Are you getting email? Yes
Does it make calls? Yes

The problem would be? I don't know it's just not working right.



:shakeBB:

[Dingfod]

I was ready to tell Verizon to stick my Blackberry up their ass yesterday. Text messaging hasn't been working on the phone, so I take it in to the Verizon store. They have to get Verizon Blackberry technical assistance on the line. The fuckhead at Blackberry tech support says, in a most smartass tone, that someone must have called Verizon and had my text messaging cut off. Why the fuck would anyone do that? I actually use that feature on occasion. Anyway, that wasn't the problem anyway, after they erased everything on the phone and reloaded it, it worked fine. I was sent merrily on my way only 1-1/2 hours after I stopped in. Sheesh, some people. I never had these sort of problems with ATT.

[Qingdai]

Today I got "in trouble" for having logged into the computer in my dispensary, under my name, so I could read my official work email address.
I was told by leaving it on (the email account) to read it, I was causing medisoft (the worlds most fucked up medical accounting software ever) to crash, as I was taking up too much bandwidth.

What, pray tell me IT geniuses, is wrong with this picture?

[JamesBannon]

Originally Posted by Garnet

Here's a newsflash:

YES, I'M FAT. YES, I'M MORBIDLY OBESE. SO FUCKING TAX ME INTO OBLIVION AND MAKE GODDAM FUCKING SURE I KNOW DOWN TO MY VERY BONES WHAT A FUCKING ROTTEN EXCUSE I AM FOR A HUMAN BEING.

Fuck.

[Zehava]

Somebody hit a skunk on the way to work this morning. How do I know this? The fucker parked close enough to an air intake that the skunk stink is now circulating in the building.

Fortunately the stench is only affecting the basement. Unfortunately I WORK IN THE BASEMENT (excuse me, lower level). Fucker.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by Qingdai

Today I got "in trouble" for having logged into the computer in my dispensary, under my name, so I could read my official work email address.
I was told by leaving it on (the email account) to read it, I was causing medisoft (the worlds most fucked up medical accounting software ever) to crash, as I was taking up too much bandwidth.

What, pray tell me IT geniuses, is wrong with this picture?

Bandwidth? Seriously?

In other news, I am not a Java developer. I told you yesterday that I am not a Java developer. I told you the day before that, and even the day before that, that I am not a Java developer. Why you keep asking me for help with your Java application day after day is beyond my ability to divine, and it's starting to interfere with my ability to work slack off.

[Qingdai]

Bandwidth, seriously, you should meet the IT genius that's installing the scheduling system.

Now no one ever knows which student should be in which room with which patient or supervisor. That's what happens when you put a sociologist and accountant in charge of a medical clinic.

[Adam]

You should offer to donate a couple of soup cans and some string so they can upgrade whatever network infrastructure they have that's being brought to its knees by your email client. Well, that or stop emailing all that high def porn on your work account all the time.

[Qingdai]

Or I can stop using the email client, then I never have to hear about another meeting again!



Soupcans, eh?

[SharonDee]

Good advice to Qingdai there, Adam. Srsly.

Hey, can you help me with my Java programs?

[Demimonde]

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck! Demi, you are a dumbass. Spending all this time getting "ahead" over the weekend, and then misreading the stupid schedule and forgetting an IMPORTANT DUE DATE is TODAY, like in TWENTY MINUTES. You stupid sabotaging moron. No time to do it, no latework accepted by this prof. This is a serious case of dumbassedness. WHY THE FUCK did I spend all that time reading ahead, when the work for TODAY isn't done.

[wildernesse]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck! Demi, you are a dumbass. Spending all this time getting "ahead" over the weekend, and then misreading the stupid schedule and forgetting an IMPORTANT DUE DATE is TODAY, like in TWENTY MINUTES. You stupid sabotaging moron. No time to do it, no latework accepted by this prof. This is a serious case of dumbassedness. WHY THE FUCK did I spend all that time reading ahead, when the work for TODAY isn't done.

I am so glad I am not in school anymore, because WAY too much of it was spent like this.

[Adam]

Dear Major Manufacturer of Networking Equipment,

You have the worst customer support I have ever encountered, ever. Ever. One of the two machines in our cluster has been down for almost an entire month, and every single day I encounter some new procedural obstruction to getting what I need from you to fix the problem. First, you sent me a replacement machine that would not boot. Then, you sent me a machine with the wrong version of your software on it. After three days of investigation, you figured out that you no longer sell machines that will run the version we are on so, after a solid week, during which you insisted that, even though you could send me a new fucking server based only on my customer number, you'd need several additional pieces of information, including the MAC address from a NIC in a dead machine that I had already shipped back to you, in order to let me download the software I needed to upgrade our old machines to the new software version, I was finally done with you, or so I thought. Now, you did warn me that I'd have to email you for a new license key during the last step of the upgrade, but you sent me instructions, which seemed very simple, and I carried them out, and sent you the one piece of information those instructions claimed I'd need to send you. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NOW NEED ME TO FILL OUT THIS "FORM" THAT'S ACTUALLY JUST A TEXT FILE THAT STILL HAS THE NAME, ADDRESS, ETC FROM THE LAST CUSTOMER YOU TORTURED IN IT, BEFORE YOU'LL JUST GIVE ME A LICENSE KEY?!?!?!?!!? AREN'T YOU, LIKE, A MAJOR INTERNATIONAL CORPORATION, AND YOU'RE MAKING ME DO THIS MOM AND POP SHIT WITH TEXT FILES???

FUUUUUUUCKKKKKK!!!!!!!

[freemonkey]

Yes, I did agree to help you out with your project, but that was before I realized how fucking STUPID and COMPLICATED it is and how UGLY it will be, despite my resistance to make it so. Then? After I'd already agreed and started working on it? When you told me you don't have much money and what you do have will have to be spent on licensing artwork (because, no, you can't just use pictures you found on the internet) and producing the product? Yeah, I was stupid for saying "yes" to begin with, I already know that. At first, I thought it would fun because I was under the impression that this was all tongue-in-cheek stuff, but the more we discuss it, the more I'm beginning to realize you are serious....

But thank you for the deadline. No, really. Because that means this will be done soon.

[Qingdai]

Our old web page designer, "just used pictures they found on the internet" and we were slapped with a several thousand dollar fine. Gee, I wonder why the web designer went out of business?

We now use our own photos.

[Dingfod]

On Friday's meeting agenda: "DCX, evacuation and build status"

DCX? Daimler-Chrysler stock symbol? What the ever-loving fuck? Why do they have to be so fucking cryptic?

Also: LMM? Limpet Mine Management? Lampooned Mainstreet Moles? Limp Man Meat? What the fucking hell does LMM mean? Did I miss acronym assassination day?

[Shelli]

I just had such a good rant on IM that it deserved this thread....



Tiggermokey: Van is fucking lucky to be alive right now
Mokey: oh?
Mokey: how so?
Tiggermokey: his nephew decided to fuck with my fur kids
Tiggermokey: NOT a good idea
Mokey: no
Tiggermokey: you can fuck with me and that's one thing.. fuck with my kids and I'm going to kick ass and take names
Mokey: hmph
Tiggermokey: I gave him a ration of shit like never before
Mokey: yeah
Mokey: asshole
Tiggermokey: I brought them out to go to the bathroom
Tiggermokey: his sister with kids in tow was next door
Tiggermokey: Van and Dom's dogs were out
Tiggermokey: and Fran was over with his two dogs
Tiggermokey: so, first of all, my dogs start to bark
Tiggermokey: so, I move to bring them in
Tiggermokey: Justin says, "The backyard is clean, I had them out earlier"
Mokey: ja
Tiggermokey: so, I move to bring them out back and close the gate to the back porch
Tiggermokey: and they're about to go when the this little fuck next door walks a dog up to the fence
Tiggermokey: my dogs go back to the fence and proceed to start to go nuts
Tiggermokey: then they bring another dog to the fence and my dogs are now going ballisitc
Tiggermokey: they are all snarling and yapping at each other
Tiggermokey: and my dogs, even at each other
Tiggermokey: they get that worked up sometimes
Tiggermokey: I can't get them away from the fence
Tiggermokey: I'm even pulling Tigger away
Tiggermokey: and he's going back
Tiggermokey: then the fuck brings a THIRD dog over
Tiggermokey: and they got absolutely nuclear
Tiggermokey: and the whole time, the adults are there not doing a fucking thing
Mokey: assholes
Tiggermokey: when the third dog got brought over, I got fucking real pissed
Tiggermokey: I'm saying outloud.. what the fuck?! real smart
Tiggermokey: finally, Fran comes over and gets his huge pitbull away
Tiggermokey: his pitbull that he's said can jump the fence
Tiggermokey: so, as bad as things got, I'm thinking that they can get way worsse
Mokey: ja
Tiggermokey: so, I get my dogs to come in the back yard finally
Tiggermokey: now, Shelby is scared to death because I'm yelling
Mokey: pitbuls are banned here I think, btw
Mokey: bah
Tiggermokey: I got to the back yard and yelled "Sell the fucking house already and MOVE"
Tiggermokey: so..
Tiggermokey: Justin goes to the store
Tiggermokey: I'm fucking PISSED
Tiggermokey: I decide to go out front to see if Fran picked up his dog's fucking shit form the other day that he said he would
Tiggermokey: he hadn't
Tiggermokey: so, I went.. got the scooper
Tiggermokey: scooped it up
Tiggermokey: walked up to Van's front door
Tiggermokey: bam bam
Tiggermokey: Dom answers
Tiggermokey: me, "Where would your Fran like his shit?"
Tiggermokey: and Dom laughs and says that I can leave it and he'll have Fran pick it up
Tiggermokey: so, I said, no, it's not your shit
Tiggermokey: and then said, "you know, what I'm really pissed about is what the fuck just went down with the dogs
Tiggermokey: and he tried to play that down too
Tiggermokey: said the kids prob didn't even know my dogs where there
Mokey: yeah, right
Tiggermokey: I said, bullshit.. Justin heard one of 'em talking about "Three dogs on two"
Tiggermokey: oh.. well.. blah de dah
Tiggermokey: Finally, I said, Fran lives in the blue house right?
Tiggermokey: yeah, front left
Tiggermokey: okie dokie
Tiggermokey: and I went marching down the street with my poop shovel and dog shit
Tiggermokey: yep
Mokey: hehe
Tiggermokey: fucking RIPPED
Tiggermokey: and who comes walking up
Tiggermokey: Fran
Tiggermokey: so, I wait till he gets close enough
Tiggermokey: then ask, "Where would you like your dog shit that you said you'd pick up?"
Mokey: Fran is a guy?
Tiggermokey: ja
Tiggermokey: in a manner of speaking anyway..
Tiggermokey: heh
Tiggermokey: he denies it's his
Tiggermokey: that he cleaned it up
Mokey: oh ja, you said his dogs
Tiggermokey: I can ask Dom and Van
Mokey: huh
Tiggermokey: yada yada
Tiggermokey: blah blah
Tiggermokey: so, at that point I figure if he's not lying then it's the puppy pitbull next door on the other side of me now
Tiggermokey: so, I inwardly said, "fuck it" and dumped the shit on the tree belt right there
Tiggermokey: and turned around and walked back
Tiggermokey: with Fran behind me going on about how it's not his
Tiggermokey: I ignored him completely
Tiggermokey: went inside
Tiggermokey: found Van's phone # that I kept when he had me call him back about the oil
Tiggermokey: heh
Tiggermokey: yep, I'm smrt that way
Mokey: oh ja
Mokey: hehe
Tiggermokey: well, the fucker didn't answer
Tiggermokey: grrrr
Tiggermokey: so, then Justin comes home
Tiggermokey: and the door's open still
Tiggermokey: and I see Van walking by
Tiggermokey: out the fucking door I went
Tiggermokey: Hey, Van.. I've got a bone to pick with you
Tiggermokey: he's all cocky
Tiggermokey: and then I proceed to lay into him
Tiggermokey: before he could even deny the kids did it on purpose I say what Justin heard
Tiggermokey: then he goes on aobut how he didn't do it
Tiggermokey: yeah, but it's your nephews
Tiggermokey: and YOU live there
Tiggermokey: here*
Tiggermokey: well, only one of them was my nephew
Tiggermokey: the other kid was his frined
Tiggermokey: and it was the other kid who egged him on
Tiggermokey: I don't give a fuck!
Mokey: be a fucking adult for once
Tiggermokey: I went on about how I'm uber respectful about my dogs
Tiggermokey: I bring them in or in the back yard if they start to bark so that they can hear themselves think
Tiggermokey: and that's what I was trying to do when your fucking newphew or nephews.. whichthefuckever... decided to make that impossible
Tiggermokey: so, then he starts in about how they were playing
Tiggermokey: no.. they weren't
Tiggermokey: he insists that his dogs were
Tiggermokey: well, mine WEREN'T
Tiggermokey: they were even going for each other
Tiggermokey: oh, they were playing
Tiggermokey: NO.. THEY ... WERENT
Tiggermokey: and I don't appreciate it
Tiggermokey: all right all right.. stop yelling at me
Tiggermokey: whatever.. make it not happen again
Tiggermokey: and I walked away
Mokey: well, good on yer for taking him on
Tiggermokey: Pierre said he heard the whole thing through the air conditioner in the window and was waiting for Van to start yelling at me.. and if he had he would have come out.. but, as it stood, Pierre said, I was holding my own just fine
Tiggermokey: which.. I was dammit
Tiggermokey: fuck you mother fucker
Mokey: hehe
Tiggermokey: fuck with my fucking dogs and I'll rip your fucking eyes out mother fucker
Tiggermokey: fucking fat, ddrunken fucking assbag
Mokey: hehehe
Tiggermokey: ................
Tiggermokey: yeah, yeah... he's laughing on this side of the world too
Mokey: sorry, you are funneh when you're mad
I know tis prolly a sexist thing to say and all
Tiggermokey: I know.. I's funneh when I get ona roll
Mokey: well, it would be sexist if I said cute
Mokey: funneh is allowed
Tiggermokey: CUTE?!?!?!?!
Tiggermokey: I'd kill you from over here if you said that!
Mokey: well, I didn't
Mokey: I was just saying
Tiggermokey: hehehe
Tiggermokey: i know
Tiggermokey: I'm kidding
Mokey: I kinda figured that
Tiggermokey: but he saw the ripping fucking eyes out stuff and was laughing
Tiggermokey: he walked by
Mokey: but still don't want to take the risk
Mokey:
Mokey: hehehehe
Mokey: ok
Tiggermokey: I'm sick to death of pussy footing around him because I'm afraid of what he'll do
Tiggermokey: fuck it all
Tiggermokey: mother fucker crossed the line right there
Tiggermokey: especially considering that he admitting to knowing what was going on
Tiggermokey: and didn't come over to help stop it
Mokey: ja
Tiggermokey: he said that he's told his nephew not to do it before
Tiggermokey: so, he knew better
Tiggermokey: don't care
Tiggermokey: he was there with his friend
Tiggermokey: and .. it's his friend that was brought over..
Tiggermokey: and .. that's on your sister
Tiggermokey: and she's visiting you.. and.. that's on YOU
Tiggermokey: mother fucker
Tiggermokey: I might have said something more to the mother then and there if I had heard the kid
Tiggermokey: but I didn't
Tiggermokey: Justin did and I didn't learn of it until I was in the backyard finally and the sister was gone
Tiggermokey: and hearing that from Justin is what pushed me over the edige
Tiggermokey: so.. you can't even say it was innocent
Tiggermokey: the kids just wanted to have those dogs meet my dogs
Tiggermokey: not realizing
Tiggermokey: oh, no
Tiggermokey: they knew full well
Tiggermokey: fuckers
Tiggermokey: you wanna fucking play?
Tiggermokey: I'll have you up all fucking night long with their barking
Tiggermokey: and!
Tiggermokey: I don't CARE if it means I'm up all night fucking long to accomplish taht
Tiggermokey: mofos!
Tiggermokey: and do you know why?
Tiggermokey: because I'm a crazy fucking bitch
Tiggermokey: THAT'S why
Mokey is typing a message.
Mokey: hehehehe
Tiggermokey: and you fucked with what means more to me than my own fucking life
Tiggermokey: so.. let's PLAY fuckers!
Tiggermokey: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Ernie Lundquist]

OK, so those damned Life Alert system thingies have always sort of pissed me off anyway, but now we have to take them down completely.

My mom got a call yesterday from one of those companies telling her that her 80-something year old neighbor's alert button had been pressed and they couldn't get in touch with her, so they asked my mom to go over and check on her.

She ran over to the house and started pounding on the door and heard a bunch of noises coming from inside and she kept pounding, then there was like a crash or something and TWO GIANT GUYS ALL DRESSED IN BLACK came running out and jumped over the fence and ran away, just as the police and ambulance showed up. They'd barged into this lady's home with knives and shit and were beating her up, and they sent my seventy year old mother over there to sort things out. Fuckers. Fucking fuckshitted fuckpantsed fuckfaces.

The lady was beaten and cut up, but she's going to be OK, and my mom is fine, but what the fuck? I mean, sure, there's a decent likelihood, considering her situation, that it was a medical emergency, but they're a goddamned security company. They should have at least considered the possibility that it was something else and that it was maybe not a great idea to send some other old lady out into the fray. You know, like some kind of fucking corporate policy or something. Fuckers.

My mom didn't know what company it was, but I figure it doesn't matter, really. I hated those places already for other reasons, so what the hell? I'll assume they all do shit like that, and I'm just going to hate them all a little harder.

So anyway. Here's what you guys have to do now or else I'm going to be REALLY MAD.

As I understand it, all those things are is like a little alert button small enough to wear, which communicates with a base station, which is pretty much functionally identical to a limited function cordless phone and a standard base unit. And all they do is make a phone call to their phone bank and activate the speaker so the old person can yell across the room or whatever. And then, all the phone bank people do (apart from sending elderly widows out to home invasions) is call your local emergency services. It's just sticking a corporate middleman in between you and 911.

So. What if there were some like open source schematic thingy where you could make a small wearable unit with tiny little PCB that just calls 911 that would run on a button battery that you could retrofit to one of the many old cordless phone units that you can find in thrift stores for a couple of bucks. A lot of people replace their old phones because they conflict with their wireless networks or things like that, so there are plenty of perfectly usable ones available that would be fine for emergency use. This should just be a small matter of programming and PCB design. And industrial design for making the case for the unit.

So one or more of you guys design an easily reproduced and inexpensive thing like that, then we'll have girl scout troops or something build the units and give them away to old people, so they stop buying those overpriced units and those stupid pointless subscriptions.

OK GO!

Because you know what happens when you mess with Old Mother Lundquist, you venal predatory industry? You get TAKEN THE FUCK DOWN, jointly and severally.

By some guys who are going to make that thing now!