Coming out

[beyelzu]

Not to be vulgar, but I feel that I have always presented as being cis gendered and fairly strict heterosexuality. I have come to realize that this is not the case. If you follow my new pinterest, it is pretty obvious.

I have been engaging in crossdressing and enjoying it, I now consider myself bisexual and not cis gendered. I often feel like a large agressive woman, like Brienne only, perhaps, luckily to born a man. Because large is more acceptable for a male. I don't have a problem with my body, which is odd because as I child I was ashamed of my manboobs, but now I'm happy with them. (Well I wouldn't mind if they were perkier, and I would like to be more fit and drop some more mass, but I don't lament their existence.)

So Yeah.


Its a little weird, I went from being an ally to being quite queer in my own way and its just odd. I realized during a conversation with ES that I was part of LGTB in a direct way as opposed to secondary.

I remember being for gay rights when I was in high school and asked if I was gay. I said, no of course, but why would that matter? I don't have to be black to be for civil rights**

I wish I had realized then what I know now and could have said, "Im queer as fuck, so?"

Or at least thought it.

I told my mom once that I thought it would be the coolest thing to be a lesbian, not in the, I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body stupid fucking joke. She didn't know what to say to that. I put it away, I didn't think about it but yeah, from a young age I liked feminine clothes.


So, I think I was born pretty feminine, soft and sensitive (note I do not think that they are necessarily opposite or anything) and a boy. I learned to hide my tears when I cried* (and I can be quite emotional) and to deny my feelings very existence. I learned that if you punch someone they don't talk shit, that willingness to inflict damage gets people to leave you alone. It left me pretty twisted. At times, I am casually cruel and I have problems talking about my emotions.

I still feel like a man but that is not the total of my experience.

If I had to pick a word maybe shemale but it seems used primarily for porn categories, however it does sum up pretty nicely.




Thank you, ES, it is our love that makes it possible to be secure enough to face it for myself and to share it with you, and then here. Thank you, also, for loving me just as I am.

I have always tried to be honest with FF, so this is me coming out. It could have been left unspoken, but I had presented myself as I now know I am not.

*I remember seeing Ol Yeller countless times as school, it seemed to be every year and crying each time.
**This is not a wining argument where I grew up in rural GA. Just a confusing one to my peers.